Changing eating habits: IELTS Task 2 essay #10, band 8.0

It is said that in today’s world, people’s habits of eating are changing dramatically, leading them to health issues like obesity. While this is mainly due to overconsumption of junk foods, I believe that there are several solutions to improve their eating habits.

One major reason why people are changing their eating habits is overeating fast food. We have already reached a watershed moment, where the majority of people are highly reliant on fast foods, such as burgers or hot dogs. If people were to eat them on a daily basis instead of consuming home-cooked meals, they are more likely to be overweight in the long run. This, in turn, can cause health problems like obesity, making it difficult for people to live a healthy life. The United States can be a representative example, where a large number of people are highly reliant on junk foods, thereby struggling with obesity.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedOvereating fast food is one major reason for the change in people's eating habits.

   This revision provides a clearer and more direct statement of the main idea.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedWe have already reached a critical point, with the majority of people heavily relying on fast foods like burgers or hot dogs.

   The term 'watershed moment' is not the most appropriate in this context. The term 'critical point' is more suitable.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIf people were to consume them daily in place of home-cooked meals, they would be more likely to be overweight in the long run.

   The original sentence is a bit awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more clear and concise version.

4. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis can lead to health problems such as obesity, making it difficult for people to live a healthy life.

   The phrase 'health problems like obesity' is a bit awkward. The revision provides a more natural phrasing.

5. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedThe United States is a prime example, with a large number of people relying heavily on junk foods and struggling with obesity.

   The revised sentence is more concise and uses a more appropriate structure.

I, however, believe that governments should shoulder the responsibility to address this issue effectively. One effective approach is for state officials to levy taxes on the excessive consumption of junk food, this can undoubtedly overcome obesity among people. This is largely because the majority of people are struggling with financial challenges, thus, they might not afford to pay for taxes. Consequently, this can encourage more balanced eating habits and promoting improved public health.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedI believe, however, that governments should take on the responsibility of addressing this issue effectively.

   This revision improves the clarity and directness of the statement.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedConsequently, this can encourage more balanced eating habits and promote improved public health.

   The verb 'promoting' should be changed to 'promote' to ensure grammatical agreement.

In addition, educating youngsters at schools and universities from an early age might also highly contribute to a reduced consumption of unhealthy foods. The case in point is Uzbekistan, where children are taught not to eat unhealthy food, thereby preventing young children from being obese later in life.

In conclusion, although the growing problem of obesity is closely linked to the overconsumption of junk food, I believe that by introducing strict policies, such as taxing unhealthy foods, state authorities can help guide people toward healthier eating habits in the long run.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedIn conclusion, while the link between obesity and the overconsumption of junk food is clear, I believe that state authorities can guide people towards healthier eating habits by introducing strict policies such as taxing unhealthy foods.

   This revision improves the sentence by making it more concise and clear.