Changing eating habits: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
413 words. Marked by Axiom on 3 January 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2413 words
Nowadays eating habits of people around the world are changing, causing them many health problems including obesity. Why do people tend to eat so badly? What can be done to improve their eating habits?
People have altered eating habits these days, and this is causing many health issues like obesity. While this can be attributed to the development of fast food businesses and hectic lifestyle of individuals, the issue can be alleviated through higher taxes on junk food and initiatives to improve the food industry.
As junk food is much cheaper, often more tasty and quick to buy and eat, it has become an important part of most people’s diet despite being harmful.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe primary reason for the prevalence of unhealthy diets is the boom in the fast food industry.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the main idea.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe last few decades have seen a sharp increase in the popularity of fast food among people due to its convenience.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more precise language.
To catch up with others, people are always in a hurry to do something, which, as a result, leaves no time for individuals to lead proper eating habits. Multiple studies have also found that the reason why people do not lead a healthy diet is that they simply do not have time to do it.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother contributing factor is the fast-paced lifestyle of individuals.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the main idea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedCurrently, societies are changing at a rapid pace, leading to a faster lifestyle.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the sentence structure.
First, governments can impose higher taxes on fast food companies. This can result in the increased prices of this kind of food, which may result in the reduced demand for consumption of it.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSeveral solutions can help mitigate this problem.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the main idea.
Lexical resource
RevisedThese types of government policies have been successful in several European and some Asian countries, so they should yield positive results when implemented effectively.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses more natural language.
Moreover, the agriculture industries should be developed with sufficient funding and freedom to find the cheaper and more productive ways of growing organic healthy food. Since most of the organically-grown food items in supermarkets are more costly compared to non-organic ones, people nowadays have to consume the latter due to the price advantage.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis problem can be addressed by governments or private parties supporting organic farming practices or providing subsidies to producers.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses more natural language.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis might encourage people to opt for the healthier food items on supermarket shelves.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the sentence structure.
In conclusion, people have altered their habits for the worse and this causes some medical problems because the fast food industry has grown globally and the hectic lifestyle of people leaving no time for them to take up healthy eating habits. Nevertheless, the situation can be imporved with the government intervention in the food market and the necessary initiatives to improve agriculture.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that each discuss a different cause of the problem and a solution, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. You use transition words effectively to guide the reader through your argument (e.g., "First," "Moreover," "In conclusion"), contributing to a cohesive and coherent essay. To further improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that the ideas within paragraphs are logically ordered and clearly connected to each other and to your overall argument.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe primary reason for the prevalence of unhealthy diets is the boom in the fast food industry.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the main idea.
RevisedAnother contributing factor is the fast-paced lifestyle of individuals.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the main idea.
RevisedSeveral solutions can help mitigate this problem.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the main idea.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are a few minor errors, but they do not impede communication. Your essay displays a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. The grammar and punctuation in your essay are generally accurate, with only minor errors. To further improve your grammatical range and accuracy, consider incorporating a wider variety of complex sentence structures and ensuring the consistent and correct use of punctuation throughout your essay. Additionally, be mindful of subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles to avoid any grammatical errors that could detract from the overall clarity and quality of your writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe primary reason people are leading such unhealthy diets is the boom in the fast food industry.
The revised sentence corrects the unnecessary use of the definite article.
RevisedCurrently, societies are changing at a rapid pace, leading to a faster lifestyle.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the sentence structure.
RevisedThis might encourage people to opt for the healthier food items on supermarket shelves.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the sentence structure.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. You demonstrate a good command of a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "obesity," "fast food," "hectic lifestyle," and "organic farming." Your use of language is clear and effective, with no significant issues. To further enhance your lexical resource, consider incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and vividly. Additionally, be mindful of word choice to ensure the tone and style of your writing are consistent and appropriate.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe last few decades have seen a sharp increase in the popularity of fast food among people due to its convenience.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more precise language.
RevisedThese types of government policies have been successful in several European and some Asian countries, so they should yield positive results when implemented effectively.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses more natural language.
RevisedThis problem can be addressed by governments or private parties supporting organic farming practices or providing subsidies to producers.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses more natural language.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task fully and provides a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the change in eating habits and the resulting health problems, such as obesity. You provide a clear explanation of the factors contributing to this issue, such as the rise of the fast food industry and the hectic lifestyles of individuals, and you propose practical solutions, such as higher taxes on junk food and initiatives to improve the food industry. Your position is clear and well-supported throughout the essay. To further enhance your task achievement, consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments and make your writing more concrete and persuasive. Additionally, a more detailed exploration of the potential challenges and implications of your proposed solutions could provide a more nuanced and comprehensive response to the prompt.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Explore the potential challenges and implications of your proposed solutions.
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