Changing eating habits: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
305 words. Marked by Axiom on 19 September 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2305 words
Nowadays eating habits of people around the world are changing, causing many health problems including obesity. Why do people tend to eat so badly? What can be done to improve their eating habits?
In recent years, there has been a noticeable shift in people’s eating habits across the globe, leading to health problems such as obesity.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis change, driven often by convenience and modern lifestyles, presents challenges for improvement that require both individual and collective efforts.
The revision provides a more effective use of linking words to connect ideas and sentences more effectively.
Fast food restaurants are everywhere, and their meals are quick to get and usually cost less than healthier options. Many people choose fast food because it is easy and fits into their busy schedules. These foods are often high in calories, fat, and sugar, which can lead to weight gain and health problems.
Lexical resource
RevisedOne reason for people's poor eating habits is the prevalence and affordability of fast food.
The revision provides a more effective use of vocabulary to express the same idea.
Another reason for poor eating habits is a lack of knowledge about nutrition. Many people do not know what a healthy diet is or how important it is to eat a balanced meal. Also, people are often too busy to cook healthy meals and end up eating whatever is most convenient.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIt is possible that they are not aware of the harmful effects of excessive consumption of processed food.
The revision provides a more effective use of linking words to connect ideas and sentences more effectively.
To improve eating habits, several steps can be taken. First, education about healthy eating should be increased. Schools and communities can teach people about the benefits of eating fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. This can help people make better food choices.
Additionally, governments can help by making healthier food options more affordable.
Lexical resource
RevisedThey could provide price reductions on fruits and vegetables to make them more affordable than fast food.
The revision provides a more effective use of vocabulary to express the same idea.
Lexical resource
RevisedAnother suggestion is to restrict the advertisement of unhealthy food, particularly targeting children.
The revision provides a more effective use of vocabulary to express the same idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSuch a measure could potentially decrease the number of individuals consuming fast food.
The revision provides a more effective use of linking words to connect ideas and sentences more effectively.
In conclusion, poor eating habits are caused by the easy availability of fast food and a lack of nutrition knowledge. By improving education and making healthier foods more affordable, people can start eating better and avoid health problems like obesity
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there could be better use of linking words to connect ideas and sentences more effectively.
Suggestions
- Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas and sentences more effectively.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis change, driven often by convenience and modern lifestyles, presents challenges for improvement that require both individual and collective efforts.
The revision provides a more effective use of linking words to connect ideas and sentences more effectively.
RevisedIt is possible that they are not aware of the harmful effects of excessive consumption of processed food.
The revision provides a more effective use of linking words to connect ideas and sentences more effectively.
RevisedSuch a measure could potentially decrease the number of individuals consuming fast food.
The revision provides a more effective use of linking words to connect ideas and sentences more effectively.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are a few minor errors, but they do not impede communication.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis change, which is often driven by convenience and modern lifestyles, requires both individual and collective efforts for improvement.
The revision corrects the minor word order error and provides a more accurate expression.
RevisedIt is possible that they are not aware of the harmful effects of excessive consumption of processed food.
The revision provides a more accurate and formal expression.
RevisedThis could help decrease the number of individuals consuming fast food.
The revision provides a more accurate and formal expression.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne reason for people's poor eating habits is the prevalence and affordability of fast food.
The revision provides a more effective use of vocabulary to express the same idea.
RevisedThey could provide price reductions on fruits and vegetables to make them more affordable than fast food.
The revision provides a more effective use of vocabulary to express the same idea.
RevisedAnother suggestion is to restrict the advertisement of unhealthy food, particularly targeting children.
The revision provides a more effective use of vocabulary to express the same idea.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant, extended and supported ideas.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea to improve the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.
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