Changing eating habits: IELTS Task 2 essay #7, band 8.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
288 words. Marked by Axiom on 2 May 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2288 words
Topic: Nowadays eating habits of people around the world are changing, causing them many health problems including obesity Why do people tend to eat so badly? What can be done to improve their eating habits?
In contemporary world, there exists a trend of a significant transformation in people’s dietary patterns, which is increasingly linked to various health issues, most notably obesity.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis essay will explore the underlying reasons for these deteriorating eating habits and will propose potential strategies to foster healthier food consumption.
The use of 'will' in the second part of the sentence maintains the future tense throughout the sentence.
Specifically, the fast-paced nature of work and daily routines often leaves individuals with limited time for meal preparation, leading to a reliance on readily available processed foods that are typically high in unhealthy fats, sugar, and salt.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe primary driver of poor eating habits is the pervasive influence of modern lifestyles.
The use of 'One' is unnecessary in this context.
Lexical resource
RevisedFurthermore, aggressive marketing and the widespread availability of inexpensive, calorie-dense options contribute to the allure of less nutritious choices.
The term 'aggressive marketing' is more appropriate and conveys a stronger connotation.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe convenience and immediate gratification offered by these foods often outweigh the long-term health considerations, influencing people's decision-making processes.
This revision provides a clearer connection between the idea presented and the influence on people's decision-making processes.
Firstly, enhancing public awareness through education is crucial. Comprehensive campaigns can educate individuals about the importance of balanced diets, as well as the long-term health consequences of poor eating habits. This knowledge empowers people to make informed choices. Governments could consider measures such as imposing taxes on unhealthy foods, subsidizing healthier alternatives like fruits and vegetables, and regulating the marketing of food and beverage industries. Consequently, these overtures can create an environment that encourages healthier eating.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSeveral measures could be adopted to improve eating habits, however.
This will help to better connect the concluding part of the essay with the rest of the text.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAnother effective solution could be the implementation of supportive policies and regulations.
The use of 'could be' is more appropriate in this context as it is discussing a possibility.
Addressing this issue comprehensively requires a combination of public education and supportive governmental policies.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn conclusion, the prevalence of unhealthy eating habits is driven by factors such as the availability of processed foods and persuasive marketing.
The term 'prevalence of' is more appropriate in this context as it more accurately describes the situation.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedBy implementing these strategies, societies can strive towards improved eating habits and the reduction of adiposity and related health problems.
The use of 'the' before 'reduction' is necessary as it is referring to a specific outcome.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 9.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are all clearly structured. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Ensure that your ideas are fully developed and explained in each paragraph.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe primary driver of poor eating habits is the pervasive influence of modern lifestyles.
The use of 'One' is unnecessary in this context.
RevisedSeveral measures could be adopted to improve eating habits, however.
This will help to better connect the concluding part of the essay with the rest of the text.
RevisedThe convenience and immediate gratification offered by these foods often outweigh the long-term health considerations, influencing people's decision-making processes.
This revision provides a clearer connection between the idea presented and the influence on people's decision-making processes.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are few grammatical errors, but they do not impede communication.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis essay will explore the underlying reasons for these deteriorating eating habits and will propose potential strategies to foster healthier food consumption.
The use of 'will' in the second part of the sentence maintains the future tense throughout the sentence.
RevisedAnother effective solution could be the implementation of supportive policies and regulations.
The use of 'could be' is more appropriate in this context as it is discussing a possibility.
RevisedBy implementing these strategies, societies can strive towards improved eating habits and the reduction of adiposity and related health problems.
The use of 'the' before 'reduction' is necessary as it is referring to a specific outcome.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne primary catalyst for poor eating habits is the pervasive influence of modern lifestyles.
The word 'catalyst' is more appropriate in this context, as it conveys the idea of something that can significantly influence or change a situation.
RevisedFurthermore, aggressive marketing and the widespread availability of inexpensive, calorie-dense options contribute to the allure of less nutritious choices.
The term 'aggressive marketing' is more appropriate and conveys a stronger connotation.
RevisedIn conclusion, the prevalence of unhealthy eating habits is driven by factors such as the availability of processed foods and persuasive marketing.
The term 'prevalence of' is more appropriate in this context as it more accurately describes the situation.
Task response
Band 9.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The ideas are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the potential drawbacks or challenges of the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Consider discussing potential challenges or drawbacks of the proposed solutions to provide a more balanced argument.
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