Changing eating habits: IELTS Task 2 essay #6, band 7.0

There is a growing trend where individuals are changing their eating habits, and becoming obese. While this problem can be largely attributed to hectic lifestyle, I believe that this issue can be effectively addressed by daily regimen.

One primary reason why people are becoming overweight is hectic lifestyle. When individuals spend whole day on their work, study or social media, they try to fully economize their time by eating fast food or this kind of dishes that are prepared fast and cheaper. Despite being less expensive and can be cooked easely, those meals are widely considered unhealthy, and results in not only obesity but also activate dopamine in the wrong condition. For example, burgers containing ingredients, such as sugar, salt and fat that provoke the sense of “feel good” which has to be worked when achieving success, but not in short-term pleasure. As a result, people who have issues related to dopamine will eventually lose interest in life and aims, as they get rapture from moments which are short-lasting.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedA primary reason people are becoming overweight is their hectic lifestyle.

   The definite article 'a' is not needed before 'primary reason'.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedWhen individuals spend the whole day at work, studying, or on social media, they often try to economize their time by resorting to fast and cheap food options.

   The revised sentence is more natural and clear.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedDespite being inexpensive and easy to prepare, these meals are often considered unhealthy and can lead to obesity by triggering dopamine inappropriately.

   The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct verb form.

4. Lexical resource

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   RevisedAs a result, people who have issues related to dopamine may eventually lose interest in life and their goals, as they experience rapture from moments that are short-lived.

   The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct terminology.

It is having daily routine that resolve this problem by balancing working hours and relaxation, coupled with eating. When people organize their day properly, they can find time to eat not only health food, but also do activities, including cooking. As an outcome, they leave their comfort zone and start to eat nutritious meals, all of which positively affect eating habits. Thereby, it is absolutely important to keep balance in every day, since this would help individuals to live without overweighting and health issues.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedHaving a daily routine can resolve this problem by balancing work, relaxation, and eating.

   The revised sentence is more concise and clear.

In conclusion, frantic lifestyle can be a driving reason behind imbalanced eating habits and problems related to health, especially obesity. However, this issue can be resolved by organizing daily routine that keep a balanced way of life.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, a frantic lifestyle can be a significant factor behind imbalanced eating habits and health problems, including obesity.

   The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear explanation.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedHowever, this issue can be resolved by organizing a daily routine that maintains a balanced way of life.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more precise.