Changing eating habits: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
280 words. Marked by Axiom on 20 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2280 words
Nowadays eating habits of people around the world are changing, causing the many health problems including obesity. Why do people tend to eat so badly? What can be done to improve their eating habits?
In the current world, altered food consumption of people is one of the main purposes developing serious health issues.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis can be attributed to a lack of health-related education among many people and the high cost of healthy food. However, the solutions can be varied.
The sentence is a bit confusing and could be made more clear and direct.
There are two main causes of this problem. In other words, children usually learn academic subjects which do not consider education about healthy diet. As a result, lack of education related to healthy eating can lead to unhealthy lifestyle choices from a young age. To explain this, most of people are not able to buy them which can be cause changing their food consumption choices. Consequently, the rising cost of fruits and vegetables makes healthy eating less affordable.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe first cause is that many people do not have sufficient knowledge about healthy eating.
The phrase 'not ample' is not commonly used. 'Sufficient' is a more natural choice in this context.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother factor is that healthy food is often more expensive than fast food.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
However, there are several ways by which the problem can be tackled. One key solution is increasing healthy eating knowledge of people by mass media. To clarify this, governments should organize challenges related to healthy eating. Additionally, governments should allocate investment to decrease the cost of healthy food such as fruits and vegetables.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis method can increase people's awareness of what constitutes healthy eating, which can help reduce illnesses.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. The revised sentence is more accurate and natural.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSubsequently, people can start eating healthy food and reduce their consumption of processed food, which can help alleviate the health problems caused by unhealthy eating habits.
The sentence is quite long and the meaning is a bit unclear. The revision makes the meaning more explicit and the sentence more concise.
In conclusion, the main reasons behind unhealthy eating habits are lack of knowledge concerning healthy diet and pricey healthy food. However, by being aware enough about healthy diet and decrease healthy food costs, this issue can be successfully resolved.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the main points well, but the connection between different ideas could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your arguments flow logically from one to the next.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis can be attributed to a lack of health-related education among many people and the high cost of healthy food. However, the solutions can be varied.
The sentence is a bit confusing and could be made more clear and direct.
RevisedAnother factor is that healthy food is often more expensive than fast food.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
RevisedSubsequently, people can start eating healthy food and reduce their consumption of processed food, which can help alleviate the health problems caused by unhealthy eating habits.
The sentence is quite long and the meaning is a bit unclear. The revision makes the meaning more explicit and the sentence more concise.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect phrasing that detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay. For example, "most of people have not ample knowledge" should be "most people do not have ample knowledge," and "people are become enough aware what is actually healthy eating" should be "people become more aware of what constitutes healthy eating." Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 1
RevisedThis can be attributed to a lack of health-related education among many people and the high cost of healthy food. However, the solutions can be varied.
The sentence is a bit awkward and the phrasing could be more natural.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, "the main purposes developing serious health issues" should be "the main causes of developing serious health issues," and "suffering health problem caused unhealthy eating habits" should be "health problems caused by unhealthy eating habits." Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe first cause is that many people do not have sufficient knowledge about healthy eating.
The phrase 'not ample' is not commonly used. 'Sufficient' is a more natural choice in this context.
RevisedThis method can increase people's awareness of what constitutes healthy eating, which can help reduce illnesses.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. The revised sentence is more accurate and natural.
RevisedSubsequently, people can reduce their consumption of processed food and start eating healthy food, which can help alleviate the health problems caused by unhealthy eating habits.
The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revised sentence is more concise and uses more natural phrasing.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the rise in unhealthy eating habits and proposing solutions to improve people's eating habits. The writer presents a clear introduction, outlines two main causes of the problem, and suggests several ways to address the issue. The ideas are relevant and well-developed, with specific examples to support the arguments. However, the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style to better fit the task requirements. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive, summarizing the main points and reiterating the importance of the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and provide sufficient support for your points.
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