Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #8, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
228 words. Marked by Axiom on 22 November 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2228 words
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
Many countries are experiencing a decrease in the number of flora and fauna.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis trend can be attributed to several factors, but with targeted solutions, we can prevent extensive damage to animals and plants due to human activities.
The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of the extent of damage.
With an increase in population, there is more demand in accommodation and food. According to Wikipedia, cattle ranching in the Amazon has been the primary cause of deforestation.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedUrbanization and agricultural expansion are primary reasons for the decline in animals and plants.
The revised sentence is more direct and clear.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs a result, people often convert fields not only for construction, but also for agricultural purposes.
The revised sentence corrects the word order to ensure grammatical accuracy.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe Amazon rainforest, the world’s largest rainforest, serves as a pertinent example.
The revised sentence is more natural and appropriate in this context.
Lexical resource
RevisedThus, human activities are causing significant loss in the biodiversity of flora and fauna.
The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of the extent of damage.
This way, we can also encourage people to take environmental issues into account.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedTo combat this problem, governments should enforce stricter environmental regulations, particularly in relation to construction work.
The revised sentence provides a more specific link between the idea and the solution.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedRequiring companies to provide exact reasons for wanting to construct buildings in a certain area and making it more difficult to obtain licenses for these projects can mitigate the harm to animals and plants.
The revised sentence corrects the singular/plural agreement and the structure of the second part of the sentence to ensure grammatical accuracy.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, viable solutions, such as stricter environmental regulations, can reverse the declining number of animals and plants in many countries.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedBy addressing the influence of human activities and enforcing environmental regulations, we can ensure a good quality of life without causing irreparable harm to the environment.
The revised sentence corrects the structure of the sentence to ensure grammatical accuracy.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there could be better use of linking words to connect ideas and sentences more effectively.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas and sentences more effectively.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedUrbanization and agricultural expansion are primary reasons for the decline in animals and plants.
The revised sentence is more direct and clear.
RevisedTo combat this problem, governments should enforce stricter environmental regulations, particularly in relation to construction work.
The revised sentence provides a more specific link between the idea and the solution.
RevisedIn conclusion, viable solutions, such as stricter environmental regulations, can reverse the declining number of animals and plants in many countries.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are very few grammatical errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAs a result, people often convert fields not only for construction, but also for agricultural purposes.
The revised sentence corrects the word order to ensure grammatical accuracy.
RevisedRequiring companies to provide exact reasons for wanting to construct buildings in a certain area and making it more difficult to obtain licenses for these projects can mitigate the harm to animals and plants.
The revised sentence corrects the singular/plural agreement and the structure of the second part of the sentence to ensure grammatical accuracy.
RevisedBy addressing the influence of human activities and enforcing environmental regulations, we can ensure a good quality of life without causing irreparable harm to the environment.
The revised sentence corrects the structure of the sentence to ensure grammatical accuracy.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis trend can be attributed to several factors, but with targeted solutions, we can prevent extensive damage to animals and plants due to human activities.
The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of the extent of damage.
RevisedThe Amazon rainforest, the world’s largest rainforest, serves as a pertinent example.
The revised sentence is more natural and appropriate in this context.
RevisedThus, human activities are causing significant loss in the biodiversity of flora and fauna.
The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of the extent of damage.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.
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