Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #28, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
468 words. Marked by Axiom on 18 June 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2468 words
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
Animal and plants’ reduction in numbers are true for many countries nowadays. To address this issue, certain actions can be taken by the government and individuals, informing about the correct usage of the source of livestock and plants.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe demand for animal products and the use of plant-based medicines are often cited as the main reasons for the decline in animal and plant populations.
The revised sentence uses more appropriate vocabulary to convey the same idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAs life becomes easier with the help of technology, the rise of its detrimental effects is not a secret to people.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the ideas are connected more effectively.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe use of technology has made life easier and more convenient, leading to an increase in life expectancy and, consequently, overpopulation concerns.
The revised sentence uses more precise language to convey the same idea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe more people live on the earth, the greater the need for food increases.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the same idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAs farming industries and wild animals are often targeted to meet daily needs for clothing and food.
The revised sentence is more concise and the ideas are connected more effectively.
Although the majority of plants are grown in certain places, such as in greenhouses, especially the ones considered the best source to make medicines, the baseline of such plants can be mostly found in nature. Without having a proper cautious, people relentlessly use these plants, killing or destroying the natural habitat is resulting in the loss of plants.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedMedicines are often derived from the leaves of plants, as they are more potent than chemical substances.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the idea is expressed more clearly.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIt is said that in 95% of cases, patients derive greater benefits from using natural herbs compared to artificial pills for their illnesses.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the same idea.
To mitigate these issues, certain actions can be taken by the government and individuals. Regulating the correct use of livestock, the government should impose some instructions, such as making up some training courses aimed at explaining the basic things about the animals’ importance in well-being of human kinds. Another action by the government can be increasing the awareness of people about the significance of the livestock, particularly animal’s extinction on the earthy by airing news on the radios, or TVs.
Individuals can also play a significant role to stop this phenomenon for the plants destruction around the globe. Or, they can take a course of action, organizing meetings on certain days that they just leave the plants and herb for the nature work.
Lexical resource
RevisedIf people are informed about the benefits of using plants and herbs, and understand the power of these natural remedies, they can prevent this destruction by promoting a healthy mindset about the proper use of such plants among each other.
The revised sentence uses more precise language to convey the same idea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis can help preserve natural livestock and plants for future generations.
The revised sentence is more concise and conveys the same idea.
In conclusion, the unawareness of people about the prefect usage of animals and plants can be the root cause why this issue is rising. However, the collaboration of the government and individuals can mitigate this issue equally.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points of your essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAs life becomes easier with the help of technology, the rise of its detrimental effects is not a secret to people.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the ideas are connected more effectively.
RevisedAs farming industries and wild animals are often targeted to meet daily needs for clothing and food.
The revised sentence is more concise and the ideas are connected more effectively.
RevisedMedicines are often derived from the leaves of plants, as they are more potent than chemical substances.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the idea is expressed more clearly.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. For example, "The more people live on the earth, the more need for the food consumption increases" should be "The more people live on the earth, the greater the need for food becomes." Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe more people live on the earth, the greater the need for food increases.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the same idea.
RevisedIt is said that in 95% of cases, patients derive greater benefits from using natural herbs compared to artificial pills for their illnesses.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the same idea.
RevisedThis can help preserve natural livestock and plants for future generations.
The revised sentence is more concise and conveys the same idea.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, "pillars" should be "pills," and "the main sources" could be more specifically referred to as "herbs." Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe demand for animal products and the use of plant-based medicines are often cited as the main reasons for the decline in animal and plant populations.
The revised sentence uses more appropriate vocabulary to convey the same idea.
RevisedThe use of technology has made life easier and more convenient, leading to an increase in life expectancy and, consequently, overpopulation concerns.
The revised sentence uses more precise language to convey the same idea.
RevisedIf people are informed about the benefits of using plants and herbs, and understand the power of these natural remedies, they can prevent this destruction by promoting a healthy mindset about the proper use of such plants among each other.
The revised sentence uses more precise language to convey the same idea.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the decline in animal and plant populations and suggesting potential solutions. The writer presents a clear explanation of the factors contributing to this issue, such as overpopulation and misuse of natural resources, and proposes practical actions that can be taken by governments and individuals. The ideas are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Make sure to fully develop all of your points and provide specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support this idea.
Check your own essay on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 2 checker works.
Check an essay free