Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #29, band 8.0

In numerous nations, there is a significant decline in the number of animals and plants. While there are some reasons behind this phenomenon, I believe that some measures can be taken in order to tackle this dilemma.

On the one hand, there are some factors that contribute to the reduction of flora and fauna. First of all, since most countries began to give permission for local hunters to hunt and kill wildlife in forests, the quantity of rare species found on these areas experienced a significant downward trend. For example, the US government stopped restricting their hunters in 2010, which in turn resulted in a remarkable 40% drop in the number of eagles and other local birds within a short period of time. Furthermore, another cause of this trend is that most manufacturers commenced to produce products that are mostly derived from properties of trees and other types of plants. For instance, new companies in the central Europe in the early 2000s dedicated to make furniture initially did not seem to cause any harm; however, by the mid 2010s the rate for deforestation soared, which later made authorities to set up stricter rules regarding the usage of wood.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedOn the one hand, various factors contribute to the reduction of flora and fauna.

   The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the discussion of factors contributing to the decline of flora and fauna.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedFirstly, the practice of allowing local hunters to hunt and kill wildlife in forests since the early days has led to a significant decline in the number of rare species in these areas.

   The revised sentence is more concise and uses more precise language to convey the same meaning.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedFor example, the US government lifted restrictions on hunters in 2010, which resulted in a remarkable 40% drop in the number of eagles and other local birds within a short period of time.

   The revised sentence corrects the pronoun-antecedent agreement error and provides a more accurate representation of the sequence of events.

4. Lexical resource

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   RevisedFor instance, new companies in Central Europe in the early 2000s that produced furniture did not seem to cause harm initially, but by the mid-2010s, the rate of deforestation soared, leading to the establishment of stricter rules regarding wood usage.

   The revised sentence is more concise and uses more precise language to convey the same meaning.

On the other hand, some clear measures can be taken to reduce the declining number of plants and animals. For one thing, though some nations have already introduced laws regarding the cutting down of trees, it would be better if they imposed much stricter laws. Not only this campaign makes brands use wood much lesser, but also encourages them to develop some sorts of new materials so as to produce goods. For example, after FIA banned the use of wood in sportscars in racing in order to encourage the sense of eco-friendliness, race teams started to put their own alternatives in cars, which in turn resulted in teams to invent new kinds of green materials. Furthermore, governing bodies can set warning signs that prevents citizens from harming wildlife. By doing so, they can raise the public awareness about the preservation of animals. In Texas, for example, government allocated a huge amount of money to set signs throughout the forest areas, which ended up benefiting them massively by keeping the number of species under extinction stable.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedOn the other hand, several measures can be implemented to reverse the decline in the number of plants and animals.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the point being made.

2. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedIn Texas, for example, the government allocated a significant amount of money to erect signs in forested areas, which has greatly benefited the conservation of species from becoming extinct.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity and formality of the expression.

In conclusion, though the factors like mass production of furniture made of wood and extensive hunting of wildlife result in reduction of flora and fauna, various measure can be taken to tackle this problem, such as creating stricter rules and setting warning signs.