Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #42, band 8.0

Due to rapid urbanization and ever increasing number of people in cities, the wildlife is becoming less and less and losing its position in nature. The problem can be fixed by imposing restrictions on building apartments and evolving a well-designed infrastructure for both people and animals in many cities.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThe problem can be addressed by imposing restrictions on building apartments and developing a well-designed infrastructure that caters to both people and animals in many cities.

   The word 'evolving' is not the most appropriate choice in this context. 'Developing' would be more suitable.

Cities are being filled with millions of prosperous people every day. They want to find job, study well, thrive and create a comfortable environment for their successors. Therefore, they need apartments and public facilities such as learning institutions, parks, roads and hospitals. As a result, municipalities take the responsibility of providing such people with these facilities as fast as possible. Consequently, since timing schedules for building and having constructions is much worse than it should have been, companies which take the advantage of constructions are able to build high-rise apartments anywhere without discussing. For instance, some cities in China are full of towering buildings. These cities provide people with dwellings but they are more than enough, creating less room for wildlife to survive.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedCities are being populated by millions of people every day, who are often involved in prosperous activities.

   The term 'prosperous people' might not be the most appropriate choice in this context. It could be interpreted as people who are wealthy, which may not be the intended meaning.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedWhile these cities provide ample dwellings for people, they leave less room for wildlife to survive.

   The original sentence is a bit awkward and unclear. The revised sentence is more concise and easier to understand.

If it continues, the world of flora and fauna will lose its habitat, producing less food supplies for the world. The problem is serious and it can be solved by designing comfortable cities and infrastructures. For example, cities like Tashkent are being built from scratch to protect wildlife in the area by allocating substantial amount of investment from both local and international investors. Designers, professors and architects are invited to suggest proper designs and structured framework for the new city. As a consequence, the city will provide enough space for urbanites and be able to reduce the amount of damage it does to the natural environment.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIf this trend continues, the loss of habitat for various species will result in a decrease in their population, which in turn will lead to a reduction in the food supply for the world.

   The original sentence is a bit unclear and could be more specific about the consequences of habitat loss.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedDesigners, professors, and architects are invited to propose suitable designs and structured frameworks for the new city.

   The term 'structured framework' is not the most appropriate choice in this context. 'Structured frameworks' would be more suitable.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedAs a consequence, the city will be able to provide enough space for its residents and reduce the amount of damage it does to the natural environment.

   The term 'urbanites' is a bit informal and may not be widely understood. It has been replaced with 'residents' which is more formal and appropriate.

To conclude, this issue is important as it may destroy the food chain, overall sustainability of this world. It can be solved by supporting the architectural framework and improving legal policies of constructions in cities to protect wildlife.