Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #30, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
336 words. Marked by Axiom on 21 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2336 words
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
The decline in animal and plant species is a growing concern in the world. This trend can be attributed to human activities, such as poaching, deforestation, pollution, and climate change. However, several measures can be taken by both governments and individuals to mitigate the problem.
Direct contributors are poachers and loggers. While people are illegally hunting rare species of animals for their own benefits, others are wiping out big forests by deforestation, which destroys the natural habitats of many plant species.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHuman activities can have a direct or indirect impact on flora and fauna.
This revision makes the sentence more concise and improves the flow.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor instance, blue whales are often hunted for their oil, while leopards and other big cats are frequently targeted for their fur.
This revision provides a more natural and contextually appropriate phrasing.
Most factories emit toxic gases and an excessive amount of waste, which is usually disposed to oceans. Such pollution and climate change, caused by pollution, result in the loss of many habitats, leading to extinctions.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIndirectly, animal and plant extinction can be attributed to factories and their waste.
This revision improves the clarity and flow of the sentence.
The first solution is to enforce stricter laws to protect natural habitats and endangered species. Punishing poachers and illegal cutters, along with creating special conservation zones, can contribute to the safety of animals and plants.
Lexical resource
RevisedA multifaceted approach is needed to address the issue.
This revision provides a more natural and contextually appropriate phrasing.
To make sure people understand the consequences of those extinctions, special campaigns for adults at work and workshops for children at schools should be implemented.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAn individual approach is also equally essential.
This revision improves the sentence structure and clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedOnce informed, people can make more rational choices about animal- or plant-based products, which will help to decrease the demand for them.
This revision provides a more natural and contextually appropriate phrasing.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedTake 'furry jackets' as an example.
This revision provides a more accurate and contextually appropriate phrasing.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIf people stop wearing furry clothes, they can save a lot of furry animals from being caught and killed.
This revision provides a more accurate and contextually appropriate phrasing.
In conclusion, activities of people, including hunting animals, cutting trees, polluting the nature, which causes the change in temperature, leads to losing habitats and animals as well as plants becoming extinct.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedHowever, implementing strict laws against illegal activities and increasing public awareness can help preserve the flora and fauna.
This revision provides a more accurate and contextually appropriate phrasing.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. Flow and Organization: The essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs dedicated to the causes of animal and plant decline and proposed solutions. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall flow. Suggestion: Use more transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively, such as "In addition to direct actions," or "Furthermore, the impact on habitats can be mitigated by."
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedHuman activities can have a direct or indirect impact on flora and fauna.
This revision makes the sentence more concise and improves the flow.
RevisedIndirectly, animal and plant extinction can be attributed to factories and their waste.
This revision improves the clarity and flow of the sentence.
RevisedAn individual approach is also equally essential.
This revision improves the sentence structure and clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few minor errors. Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and passive voice. However, there are some grammatical errors that could be addressed for clarity and accuracy. Suggestion: Review and revise sentences for grammatical errors. For example, "Take furry jackets as an example. If people abandon wearing furry clothes, they can save a lot of furry animals from being caught and killed," could be rephrased for clarity to, "For example, if people stop wearing furry jackets, they can save a lot of furry animals from being caught and killed."
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedTake 'furry jackets' as an example.
This revision provides a more accurate and contextually appropriate phrasing.
RevisedIf people stop wearing furry clothes, they can save a lot of furry animals from being caught and killed.
This revision provides a more accurate and contextually appropriate phrasing.
RevisedHowever, implementing strict laws against illegal activities and increasing public awareness can help preserve the flora and fauna.
This revision provides a more accurate and contextually appropriate phrasing.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. Vocabulary Usage: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "poaching," "deforestation," and "conservation zones." However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be refined for clarity and precision. Suggestion: Review and revise sentences for awkward or incorrect word choices. For example, "Take furry jackets as an example. If people abandon wearing furry clothes, they can save a lot of furry animals from being caught and killed," could be rephrased for clarity to, "For instance, refraining from wearing furry jackets can save numerous animals from being caught and killed."
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFor instance, blue whales are often hunted for their oil, while leopards and other big cats are frequently targeted for their fur.
This revision provides a more natural and contextually appropriate phrasing.
RevisedA multifaceted approach is needed to address the issue.
This revision provides a more natural and contextually appropriate phrasing.
RevisedOnce informed, people can make more rational choices about animal- or plant-based products, which will help to decrease the demand for them.
This revision provides a more natural and contextually appropriate phrasing.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the decline in animal and plant species and proposing solutions to mitigate the problem. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments. The essay provides a comprehensive overview of the topic, discussing both the direct and indirect causes of animal and plant decline and suggesting practical solutions. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments. The essay provides a comprehensive overview of the topic, discussing both the direct and indirect causes of animal and plant decline and suggesting practical solutions. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
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