Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #22, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
260 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 March 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2260 words
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
In the modern world many, developed and developing countries suffer from the declining number of plants and animals. A possible solution would be the creation of closed reserves exclusively for them.
Lexical resource
RevisedOne of the causes of this issue could be population growth, which leads to the urbanization of intact forests.
The word 'urbanisation' should be spelled with a 'z' in American English.
As a result, a struggle for survival begins among animals, where the strong devours the weak.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAlthough urbanisation may offer benefits to people by providing necessary amenities, it has negative effects on the ecosystem, in addition to benefiting our society.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs a result, forests are being cut down, forcing animals to leave their habitats.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses more precise language.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFinally, this leads to a decline in both the number of animals and plants, which suffer due to human activities.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses more precise language.
Therefore, a possible solution would be the creation of closed reserves for plants and animals. For example, major countries such as the USA, Russia, Canada and the UK have large-scale wildlife sanctuaries that protect and breed rare animal species, while also preserving plants that serve as a natural habitat for them.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, we have the necessary resources and tools to address this issue.
The revised sentence is more direct and clear.
In conclusion, urbanization plays a major role in the decline of the amount of animal and plant populations. However, humankind has the necessary means to prevent or solve this problem.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedWe must implement the above-mentioned solution because trees produce oxygen, which is essential for chemical reactions in the human body, and animals play a crucial role in the food chain in wildlife.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Ensure that your sentences are not too long or complex, which can sometimes make your writing less clear.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAlthough urbanisation may offer benefits to people by providing necessary amenities, it has negative effects on the ecosystem, in addition to benefiting our society.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
RevisedOn the other hand, we have the necessary resources and tools to address this issue.
The revised sentence is more direct and clear.
RevisedWe must implement the above-mentioned solution because trees produce oxygen, which is essential for chemical reactions in the human body, and animals play a crucial role in the food chain in wildlife.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are very few grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn the modern world, many developed and developing countries are suffering from a decline in the number of plants and animals.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and more clear.
RevisedAs a result, forests are being cut down, forcing animals to leave their habitats.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses more precise language.
RevisedFinally, this leads to a decline in both the number of animals and plants, which suffer due to human activities.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses more precise language.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some complex and less common lexical items. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne of the causes of this issue could be population growth, which leads to the urbanization of intact forests.
The word 'urbanisation' should be spelled with a 'z' in American English.
RevisedA possible solution could be the creation of closed reserves for plants and animals.
The phrase 'closed reserves' may not be clear in this context. It could be rephrased as 'protected areas' or 'sanctuaries'.
RevisedWe must implement the above-mentioned solution because trees produce oxygen, which is essential for chemical reactions in the human body, and animals play a crucial role in the food chain in wildlife.
The phrase 'the reason why' is unnecessary in this context and can be removed for clarity.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant, extended and supported ideas.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop all of your points and provide sufficient support and examples for each. This will help to further illustrate and substantiate your arguments.
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