Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #21, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
251 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 March 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2251 words
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
In the modern world many developed and developing countries suffer from the declining number of plants and animals. One of the causes of this issue could be population growth, which leads to the urbanisation of intact forests.
Lexical resource
RevisedA possible solution would be the creation of specific closed reserves exclusively for endangered species.
The term 'closed reserves' is a bit awkward and could be replaced with 'endangered species' for clarity.
After which, a struggle for survival begins among animals, where the strong devour the weak. Finally, it results in a decline not only in the number of animals, but also in plants, which suffer from human activities.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAlthough urbanisation may offer benefits to people by providing necessary amenities, it has negative effects on the ecosystem, in addition to benefiting our society.
The sentence is a bit confusing and could be made clearer.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs a result, forests are being cut down, and animals are being forced to leave their habitats.
The terms 'lairs' and 'dens' are a bit awkward and could be replaced with 'habitats' for clarity.
Therefore, a possibly solution would be the creation specific closed reserves for plants and animals. For example, major countries such as the USA, Russia, Canada and the UK have large-scale wildlife sanctuaries that protect and breed rare animals species, while also preserving plants that serve as a natural habitat for them.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, humanity possesses all the necessary resources and tools to address this issue.
The verb form in the second part of the sentence is incorrect.
However, humankind has the necessary means to prevent or solve this problem.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn conclusion, urbanization plays a major role in the decline of animal and plant populations.
The subject-verb agreement in the first part of the sentence is incorrect.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedWe must implement the above-mentioned solutions because trees produce oxygen and process carbon dioxide, and animals play a crucial role in the food chain in wildlife.
The sentence is a bit long and could be made clearer.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some issues with the flow of ideas and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAlthough urbanisation may offer benefits to people by providing necessary amenities, it has negative effects on the ecosystem, in addition to benefiting our society.
The sentence is a bit confusing and could be made clearer.
RevisedOn the other hand, humanity possesses all the necessary resources and tools to address this issue.
The verb form in the second part of the sentence is incorrect.
RevisedWe must implement the above-mentioned solutions because trees produce oxygen and process carbon dioxide, and animals play a crucial role in the food chain in wildlife.
The sentence is a bit long and could be made clearer.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn the modern world, many developed and developing countries are suffering from a decline in the number of plants and animals.
The sentence needs a subject and a verb to be grammatically correct.
RevisedAs a result, forests are being cut down, and animals are being forced to leave their habitats.
The terms 'lairs' and 'dens' are a bit awkward and could be replaced with 'habitats' for clarity.
RevisedIn conclusion, urbanization plays a major role in the decline of animal and plant populations.
The subject-verb agreement in the first part of the sentence is incorrect.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedA possible solution would be the creation of specific closed reserves exclusively for endangered species.
The term 'closed reserves' is a bit awkward and could be replaced with 'endangered species' for clarity.
RevisedOn the other hand, humanity has all the necessary resources and tools to address this issue.
The verb form in the second part of the sentence is incorrect.
RevisedWe must implement the above-mentioned solutions because trees produce oxygen and process carbon dioxide, and animals play a crucial role in the food chain.
The sentence is a bit long and could be made clearer.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Make sure that each paragraph fully develops a single idea.
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