Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #20, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
251 words. Marked by Axiom on 16 March 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2251 words
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
In the modern world, many developed and developing countries suffer from the declining number of plants and animals.
Lexical resource
RevisedOne potential cause of this issue is population growth, which leads to the urbanization of intact forests.
The revised sentence is more clear and natural.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedA possible solution could be the creation of specific closed reserves for them.
The revised sentence is more natural and accurate.
Consequently, a struggle for survival begins among animals, where the strong devour the weak. Ultimately, this leads to a decline not only in the number of animals but also in plants, which suffer from human activities.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAlthough urbanization may offer benefits to people by providing necessary amenities, it has negative effects on the ecosystem, in addition to benefiting our society.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs a result, forests are cut down, and animals are forced to leave their habitats.
The revised sentence is more appropriate in this context.
Therefore, a possible solution would be the establishment of specific closed reserves for plants and animals.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, we have the necessary resources and tools to address this issue.
The revised sentence is more direct and clear.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor example, countries such as the USA, Russia, Canada, and the UK have large-scale wildlife sanctuaries that protect and breed rare animal species and preserve plants that serve as a natural habitat for them.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
However, humankind has the necessary means to prevent or solve this problem.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, urbanization is a major factor in the decline of animal and plant populations.
The revised sentence is more precise and clear.
Lexical resource
RevisedWe must implement the above-mentioned solution because trees produce oxygen and process carbon dioxide, and animals play a crucial role in the food chain in the wild.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there could be better use of linking words to connect ideas and sentences more effectively.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas and sentences more effectively.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAlthough urbanization may offer benefits to people by providing necessary amenities, it has negative effects on the ecosystem, in addition to benefiting our society.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
RevisedOn the other hand, we have the necessary resources and tools to address this issue.
The revised sentence is more direct and clear.
RevisedIn conclusion, urbanization is a major factor in the decline of animal and plant populations.
The revised sentence is more precise and clear.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are a few minor errors, but these do not impede communication.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedA possible solution could be the creation of specific closed reserves for them.
The revised sentence is more natural and accurate.
RevisedFor example, countries such as the USA, Russia, Canada, and the UK have large-scale wildlife sanctuaries that protect and breed rare animal species and preserve plants that serve as a natural habitat for them.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
RevisedWe must implement the above-mentioned solution because trees produce oxygen and process carbon dioxide, and animals play a crucial role in the food chain in the wild.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne potential cause of this issue is population growth, which leads to the urbanization of intact forests.
The revised sentence is more clear and natural.
RevisedAs a result, forests are cut down, and animals are forced to leave their habitats.
The revised sentence is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedWe must implement the above-mentioned solution because trees produce oxygen and process carbon dioxide, and animals play a crucial role in the food chain in the wild.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant, extended and supported ideas.
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