Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #19, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
255 words. Marked by Axiom on 16 March 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2255 words
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
In modern world many developed and developing countries suffer from the declining number of plants and animals.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedOne of the causes could be population growth leading to the urbanization of intact forests, and a possible solution could be the creation of specific closed reserves for them.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the clarity of the statement.
After which, a war for survival will begin between animals, where the strong devours the weak. Finally, it results in the decreasing number not only animals, but also plants that come to harm from human performance.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAlthough urbanisation may offer benefits for people with all amenities, it can negatively affect the ecosystem outside of our society.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear, and it removes the redundant use of 'however'.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs a result, forests may be cut down and animals may be forced to leave their habitats.
The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and collocation.
Therefore, a possibly solution would be creation specific closed reserves for plants and animals.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, humanity has the necessary resources and tools to solve the issue by using them.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'by using them' is more appropriate in this context.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor example, major countries like the USA, Russia, Canada, and the UK have extensive wildlife sanctuaries that protect and breed rare species of animals, providing a natural habitat for plants.
The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and collocation.
And why we must do above mentioned the potential solution because of trees that produce oxygen and process carbon dioxide, where the animals play a crucial role in food chain in a wild life.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, urbanization plays a major role in the decline of the number of animals and plants, but humankind has the necessary resources to avoid or solve this problem.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'but' is more appropriate in this context.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the proposed solution.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate the proposed solution.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAlthough urbanisation may offer benefits for people with all amenities, it can negatively affect the ecosystem outside of our society.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear, and it removes the redundant use of 'however'.
RevisedOn the other hand, humanity has the necessary resources and tools to solve the issue by using them.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'by using them' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedIn conclusion, urbanization plays a major role in the decline of the number of animals and plants, but humankind has the necessary resources to avoid or solve this problem.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'but' is more appropriate in this context.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures effectively, with a good range of complex sentences and passive constructions. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be refined for clarity and impact. Additionally, there are some errors in punctuation and spelling that could be addressed to improve overall clarity and professionalism.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn the modern world, many developed and developing countries are suffering from a decline in the number of plants and animals.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the clarity of the statement.
RevisedOne of the causes could be population growth leading to the urbanization of intact forests, and a possible solution could be the creation of specific closed reserves for them.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the clarity of the statement.
RevisedIn conclusion, urbanization plays a major role in the decline of the number of animals and plants, however, humankind has the necessary resources to avoid or solve this problem.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the clarity of the statement.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the environment and wildlife, with terms like "closed reserves," "wildlife sanctuaries," and "ecosystem" used appropriately. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be refined to improve clarity and impact.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn the modern world, many developed and developing countries are experiencing a decline in the number of plants and animals.
The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and collocation.
RevisedAs a result, forests may be cut down and animals may be forced to leave their habitats.
The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and collocation.
RevisedFor example, major countries like the USA, Russia, Canada, and the UK have extensive wildlife sanctuaries that protect and breed rare species of animals, providing a natural habitat for plants.
The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and collocation.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the decline in the number of plants and animals in many developed and developing countries and proposing solutions to the issue. The writer presents a clear explanation of how urbanization contributes to the decline and suggests the creation of closed reserves as a potential solution. However, the essay could be strengthened by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the arguments.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Provide a more detailed explanation of how the proposed solution could be implemented.
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