Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #46, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
313 words. Marked by Axiom on 15 April 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2313 words
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can the issue be solved?
Lexical resource
RevisedRecently, it has become increasingly common for the number of animals and plants to decline due to deforestation and human activities, as some people cut trees and hunt animals.
The sentence is revised to correct the awkward phrasing and improve clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn my opinion, this problem has several causes, including the need for governments to protect forests and the need for restrictions on building companies.
The sentence is revised to correct the grammatical errors and improve clarity.
Many poachers cut off elephants' tusks and sell them at high prices.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the one hand, the increasing population in many countries and cities leads to deforestation and the occupation of natural areas, resulting in the destruction of habitats.
The sentence is revised to improve clarity and coherence.
Lexical resource
RevisedSimilarly, certain animal species have declined due to poaching, such as elephants.
The sentence is revised to correct the awkward phrasing and improve clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIf people continue to destroy animals and plants, they will create more problems, such as atmospheric damage, as all plants help clean the air and large animals maintain ecological balance.
The sentence is revised to correct the grammatical errors and improve clarity.
If people do not destroy nature, natural areas will be preserved and animals will live longer and plants will help clean the air and people should not litter in forests and they must not start fires in forests. In addition, people should plant trees in empty areas, which can improve their quality of life.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, many governments and environmental groups should take action to protect nature, and individuals should plant more trees to contribute to the solution.
The sentence is revised to improve clarity and coherence.
Lexical resource
RevisedIt is important for individuals to better protect forests and natural areas, as some people engage in tree cutting and hunting.
The sentence is revised to correct the awkward phrasing and improve clarity.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, it is crucial for governments to protect nature and wildlife by implementing tree-planting campaigns and enforcing anti-poaching laws.
The sentence is revised to improve clarity and coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn my opinion, if governments support these initiatives, they can help save nature.
The sentence is revised to correct the grammatical errors and improve clarity.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the importance of the discussed solutions.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reinforce the importance of the discussed solutions.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the one hand, the increasing population in many countries and cities leads to deforestation and the occupation of natural areas, resulting in the destruction of habitats.
The sentence is revised to improve clarity and coherence.
RevisedOn the other hand, many governments and environmental groups should take action to protect nature, and individuals should plant more trees to contribute to the solution.
The sentence is revised to improve clarity and coherence.
RevisedIn conclusion, it is crucial for governments to protect nature and wildlife by implementing tree-planting campaigns and enforcing anti-poaching laws.
The sentence is revised to improve clarity and coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and a variety of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that hinder understanding. The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors that need to be addressed. These include errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and preposition use. Proofreading is essential to correct these errors and improve the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a greater variety of sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical proficiency.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn my opinion, this problem has several causes, including the need for governments to protect forests and the need for restrictions on building companies.
The sentence is revised to correct the grammatical errors and improve clarity.
RevisedIf people continue to destroy animals and plants, they will create more problems, such as atmospheric damage, as all plants help clean the air and large animals maintain ecological balance.
The sentence is revised to correct the grammatical errors and improve clarity.
RevisedIn my opinion, if governments support these initiatives, they can help save nature.
The sentence is revised to correct the grammatical errors and improve clarity.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of synonyms could be increased to avoid repetition and enhance the lexical resource.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedRecently, it has become increasingly common for the number of animals and plants to decline due to deforestation and human activities, as some people cut trees and hunt animals.
The sentence is revised to correct the awkward phrasing and improve clarity.
RevisedSimilarly, certain animal species have declined due to poaching, such as elephants.
The sentence is revised to correct the awkward phrasing and improve clarity.
RevisedIt is important for individuals to better protect forests and natural areas, as some people engage in tree cutting and hunting.
The sentence is revised to correct the awkward phrasing and improve clarity.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the decline of animal and plant species and suggesting potential solutions. The writer presents a clear explanation of the factors contributing to this issue, such as deforestation and poaching, and proposes practical solutions, including government action and individual tree-planting efforts. However, the essay could be further improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the proposed solutions, as well as a more detailed exploration of the potential impact of these actions on the environment.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all the ideas are fully developed and supported with relevant examples.
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