Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #45, band 6.0

Nowadays, it has become increasingly clear that the number of animals and plants is declining; there are more reasons for this. I will give my opinions and solutions for the problems.

On the one hand, the main factor for the disappearance of animals and plants is population and some factories. That is to say, when the population grows, the government has to build new houses, flats, and more big companies for these individuals. So, for building this, the government needs large spaces. As a result, they destroy forests or deserts or replace some animals' homes. So people have to kill them. After building companies, they create harmful smoke, and they spread oil and water, which is harmful to animals and plants.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the one hand, the main factors contributing to the decline of animal and plant populations include increasing human population and industrial activities.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more specific statement of the main factors contributing to the decline of animal and plant populations.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis is to say, as the population grows, the government may need to build more housing and accommodate the needs of a growing population, including the establishment of more businesses.

   The revised sentence is more precise and uses more appropriate vocabulary.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedTherefore, in order to accommodate this, the government needs large areas of land.

   The revised sentence is more precise and uses more appropriate vocabulary.

4. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedAs a result, this can lead to the destruction of forests and deserts, and the displacement of wildlife from their natural habitats.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity and naturalness of the language.

5. Lexical resource

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   RevisedAfter establishing industrial facilities, they often release harmful smoke, oil, and other pollutants into the environment, which can be detrimental to animals and plants.

   The revised sentence is more precise and uses more appropriate vocabulary.

On the other hand, there are more solutions for these reasons. That is to say, if the government creates a space for protecting animals, they can save them. It is called a nature reserve. In addition, the government must repair the old houses, which were built during World War II, instead of building new ones. Moreover, they must create taxes and fines for cutting trees or destroying plants. As a result, the climate will not be changed, and animals and plants can live without difficulties. For example, in Uzbekistan, there are more places for protecting animals and plants. They created two books for animals and plants, which are called “The Red Book.” Nobody kills or cuts them.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the other hand, there are several potential solutions to address these issues.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more specific introduction to the following paragraph, which discusses potential solutions to the decline in animal and plant populations.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedMoreover, they must implement taxes and fines to discourage deforestation and the destruction of plants.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity and naturalness of the language.

In conclusion, in most countries, more animals and plants are disappearing, although for some reason, there are suitable solutions for these problems.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, while animal and plant populations are declining in many countries, there are potential solutions to address these issues.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise conclusion, summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.