Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #53, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
253 words. Marked by Axiom on 8 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2253 words
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can the issue be solved? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Some youngsters consider it challenging to concentrate on school. From my perspectives, I strongly believe
that competition with prizes and teaching lessons via interesting games and other factors can solve this
problem.
In this modern era, minors find it difficult to concentrate on lessons. One of the main problems can be boring
lessons. For example,
Lexical resource
RevisedWhat I mean is that standard teaching methods can seem unattractive to students.
The revised sentence corrects the verb form and the spelling of 'standard'.
old-fashioned classes with no moders boards and desks. In order to solve this problem, school's director
should require scholarship from the government and reconstruct old classes. As a result, atmosphere and
students concentration on lesson might be increased.
Regarding teaching methods, current teaching methods are based on pure knowledge rather then helding it
with games. What I suggest is that, standart teaching methods should be avoided to provide more engaging
lessons. For instance, including competition via competition based apps and giving higher grades and snacks
to students on the podium. Including this type of teaching way to every subjects may increase student's
ambition to acquire knowledge.
Some students may consider it boring studying with same classmates all day. In USA there is a program
called "Exchange program" in which students have a right to chose which class they want to attend today.
With this program students might gain some new friends which may result in greater grades gained from
knowledge from other students and teachers.
In conclusion, I strongly consider that above mentioned factors are the main solutions in order to get children
concentration towards school.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the flow of ideas and the use of cohesive devices. The essay follows a logical structure, but the connection between some ideas and paragraphs could be improved. The introduction sets up the main points well, but the transition to the body paragraphs is a bit abrupt. Using more linking words and phrases would help to smooth out these transitions. Additionally, the conclusion restates the main points but does not effectively summarize the key arguments or provide a strong closing statement.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph follows logically from the one before and leads to the one after.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedTo address this issue, school directors should seek funding from the government to renovate outdated classrooms.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise, and it uses the appropriate term 'funding' instead of 'scholarship' which is typically used in the context of providing financial aid to students.
RevisedAs for teaching methods, the current approach relies heavily on traditional methods rather than incorporating engaging activities such as games.
The revision provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
RevisedIn conclusion, I firmly believe that the aforementioned factors are key in enhancing children's concentration in school.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise, and it uses the appropriate term 'enhancing' instead of 'getting' which is more suitable in this context.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which helps to maintain the reader's interest. However, there are some grammatical errors that can cause confusion, such as " school's director should require scholarship from the government" (which should be "school directors should seek funding from the government") and "standart teaching methods should be avoided to provide more engaging lessons" (which should be "standard teaching methods should be avoided in order to provide more engaging lessons"). Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles, would help to improve the overall quality of the writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFrom my perspective, I strongly believe that introducing competitive elements, such as prizes or games, into the curriculum could help solve this problem.
The revised sentence corrects the plural form of 'perspective' and provides a more natural and formal expression of the idea.
RevisedI suggest that we should move away from standard teaching methods in order to provide more engaging lessons.
The revision provides a more natural and formal expression of the idea.
RevisedIncorporating this type of teaching approach across all subjects may increase students' motivation to acquire knowledge.
The revision provides a more natural and formal expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "boring lessons," "standard teaching methods," and "engaging lessons." However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the use of more formal language throughout the essay would help to strengthen the overall tone.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWhat I mean is that standard teaching methods can seem unattractive to students.
The revised sentence corrects the verb form and the spelling of 'standard'.
RevisedIn the USA, there is a program called the "Exchange Program" which allows students to choose which class they want to attend on a given day.
The revision provides a more natural and formal expression of the idea.
RevisedThis program might allow students to make new friends and gain knowledge from their peers and teachers, which could lead to improved academic performance.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and formal expression of the idea.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The writer's opinion is clearly stated in the introduction and conclusion, and the body paragraphs provide detailed explanations and examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments and by ensuring that the ideas are fully developed and explained.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your ideas are fully developed and explained.
- Provide specific examples to support your arguments.
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