Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #26, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
376 words. Marked by Axiom on 15 April 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2376 words
TASK 2: In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
Animal and plant extinction is a common problem in many countries in the world. Although there are several reasons for this issue, in my opinion, they can all be addressed with some effective measures.
Chief among them is illegal poaching and collecting plants for medical purposes. For instance, a number of polar bears are declining because of melting ice glaciers which is the result of climate change. Additionally, over population among people is another threat. When people start accommodating in their habitat, they directly and indirectly affect plants and animals by building pathways and introducing their livestock. Domestic animals ,for example, eat plants.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the one hand, there are several reasons for the extinction of certain plants and animals.
The revised sentence is more direct and clear in stating the reasons for the extinction.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedEvery year, millions of wild animals and plants are illegally hunted and collected to be sold, as they are highly valued by collectors and research scientists.
The revised sentence corrects the passive voice and improves the sentence structure for better clarity and accuracy.
Lexical resource
RevisedAnother contributor to this problem is climate change, which is worsening day by day.
The revised sentence uses the correct form of the verb 'worsen' to indicate that climate change is getting worse.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedWhen climate change occurs, it alters the seasonal breeding patterns and habitats of animals, or causes plants to blossom earlier than they should.
The revised sentence corrects the verb form and improves the sentence structure for better clarity and accuracy.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs the human population grows, the demand for living space is forcing people to move to the outskirts or rural areas, which are habitats for many living creatures.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of 'size' to indicate the growing human population.
To tackle illegal poaching and collecting plants , government should apply serious laws. If there were serious laws such as putting poachers or plant collectors in a prison, when they hunt , those people would think twice before committing crimes related to animals and plants. For environmental problems , we should educate people to reduce their impacts on climate . Many campaigns can be organized to collect waste productions in oceans which help marine animals and plants thrive better.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedWe should implement a variety of different methods to address these problems.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more specific lead-in to the following methods.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor human-related problems, which include over-population, we should consider changing the infrastructure of buildings.
The revised sentence corrects the phrasing and punctuation for better clarity and accuracy.
Lexical resource
RevisedIf we could provide enough houses in cities, people would not disturb the habitats of animals and plants.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of 'number' to indicate the amount of houses.
In my opinion, if we apply laws for hunting ,educate people and change the building infrastructure , many animals and plants will increase in size.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, despite the reasons for the decline in the number of animals and plants, there are effective ways to tackle these issues.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct conclusion, summarizing the main points and solutions.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and solutions.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the one hand, there are several reasons for the extinction of certain plants and animals.
The revised sentence is more direct and clear in stating the reasons for the extinction.
RevisedWe should implement a variety of different methods to address these problems.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more specific lead-in to the following methods.
RevisedIn conclusion, despite the reasons for the decline in the number of animals and plants, there are effective ways to tackle these issues.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct conclusion, summarizing the main points and solutions.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is a good range of structures. However, there are several grammatical errors that can cause some difficulty for the reader. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors that can cause some difficulty for the reader. These include errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and preposition use. Proofreading is recommended to correct these errors and improve the overall clarity and accuracy of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedEvery year, millions of wild animals and plants are illegally hunted and collected to be sold, as they are highly valued by collectors and research scientists.
The revised sentence corrects the passive voice and improves the sentence structure for better clarity and accuracy.
RevisedWhen climate change occurs, it alters the seasonal breeding patterns and habitats of animals, or causes plants to blossom earlier than they should.
The revised sentence corrects the verb form and improves the sentence structure for better clarity and accuracy.
RevisedFor human-related problems, which include over-population, we should consider changing the infrastructure of buildings.
The revised sentence corrects the phrasing and punctuation for better clarity and accuracy.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAnother contributor to this problem is climate change, which is worsening day by day.
The revised sentence uses the correct form of the verb 'worsen' to indicate that climate change is getting worse.
RevisedAs the human population grows, the demand for living space is forcing people to move to the outskirts or rural areas, which are habitats for many living creatures.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of 'size' to indicate the growing human population.
RevisedIf we could provide enough houses in cities, people would not disturb the habitats of animals and plants.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of 'number' to indicate the amount of houses.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position and relevant reasons for the decline in the number of animals and plants. The writer also proposes several effective solutions to address these issues. However, the argument could be further developed with more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the potential challenges in implementing the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Provide a deeper analysis of the potential challenges in implementing the proposed solutions.
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