Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #27, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
373 words. Marked by Axiom on 16 April 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2373 words
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
In many parts of the world, the loss of biodiversity is becoming an increasingly worrying issue, with the number of both animals and plants declining at an unprecedented rate. While habitat destruction and climate change are the main drivers of this crisis, combining local conservation efforts with global initiatives is one viable solution to restore the ecosystem.
As a result, animals are relocating to other places whose environment is inhospitable. This migration is resulting in a decline in the number of these species, even pushing them to the brink of extinction. For example, the number of Orangutans has fallen sharply in Sumatra Island because of habitat loss caused by local timber companies.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAccelerated deforestation is destroying the natural habitats of certain endemic species, forcing native animals to move to other areas to survive.
The revised sentence is more direct and clear.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis is happening due to the ever growing demand of the world population for construction and agricultural purposes.
The use of 'to' instead of 'due to' is incorrect in this context.
Global warming is another critical factor contributing to the decline in biodiversity. Recently, an increase in global temperature has made many species migrate to cooler regions to survive. However, not all animals find it easy to adapt to new habitats. Due to climate change, wildfires in tropical forests have led native plants to declining in number or even disappearing altogether.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedEven slight temperature fluctuations might negatively impact the survival of amphibians, whose numbers are decreasing at an alarming rate.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis massive biodiversity loss is not only affecting fauna.
The original sentence is a bit unclear. It's better to be more explicit about what you are referring to.
Despite these challenges, it is still possible to mitigate or even reverse the trend through making collaborative effort by local and international organisations. Sustainable agricultural practices implemented by local farmers can help to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, the main factor that contributes to climate change.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn addition, the knowledge and insights of indigenous people in local communities can greatly contribute to biodiversity conservation in the area, due to their in-depth understanding of the local environment.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise explanation of the role of indigenous people in biodiversity conservation.
Lexical resource
RevisedCombining these efforts with global initiatives can yield significant results in achieving a sustainable way of life.
The use of 'attacks' is incorrect. 'Combining these efforts with global initiatives' is the correct phrase to use in this context.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, the decline in biodiversity, due to habitat loss and changing weather patterns, can be alleviated through local sustainability projects and global movements.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct conclusion.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis is happening due to the ever growing demand of the world population for construction and agricultural purposes.
The use of 'to' instead of 'due to' is incorrect in this context.
RevisedThis massive biodiversity loss is not only affecting fauna.
The original sentence is a bit unclear. It's better to be more explicit about what you are referring to.
RevisedIn conclusion, the decline in biodiversity, due to habitat loss and changing weather patterns, can be alleviated through local sustainability projects and global movements.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct conclusion.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions, but these do not impede overall understanding.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedAccelerated deforestation is destroying the natural habitats of certain endemic species, forcing native animals to move to other areas to survive.
The revised sentence is more direct and clear.
RevisedEven slight temperature fluctuations might negatively impact the survival of amphibians, whose numbers are decreasing at an alarming rate.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis is happening due to the ever growing demand of the world population for construction and agricultural activities.
The use of 'purposes' is a bit awkward and can be replaced with 'activities' for better clarity.
RevisedCombining these efforts with global initiatives can yield significant results in achieving a sustainable way of life.
The use of 'attacks' is incorrect. 'Combining these efforts with global initiatives' is the correct phrase to use in this context.
RevisedIn addition, the knowledge and insights of indigenous people in local communities can greatly contribute to biodiversity conservation in the area, due to their in-depth understanding of the local environment.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise explanation of the role of indigenous people in biodiversity conservation.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant, extended and supported ideas.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop all of your points and provide sufficient support for your arguments.
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