Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #51, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
280 words. Marked by Axiom on 3 August 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2280 words
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
Nowadays, it is a widely held concern that decreasing the quantity of natural habitat is becoming a common issue across the globe. As a result of this decision, endangered animals, such as Northern white rhinos, are at the risk of extinction. As poachers usually hunt the animals for their precious skin, horn or tusks, the quantity of wild animals is reducing. To tackle this issue, firstly, the government should invest more money to construction of national parks and conservation programs. As there are enough safe places for natural habitat, it can grow and reproduce easily. Secondly, international cooperation plays a role because an effort of one country may not be sufficient to save the wildlife. In conclusion, the number of animals and plants is declining due to out of normal weather conditions, building accommodations as an expense of animal’s home and illegal hunting.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis essay will discuss the reasons for the decline in the number of animals and plants, such as severe weather and deforestation, and suggest potential solutions.
The sentence is a bit confusing and could be more clear.
Lexical resource
RevisedOne major cause of this environmental issue is the excessive desire to build luxurious apartments.
The revised sentence is more natural and concise.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs the need for residential spaces increases, people often resort to cutting down green areas that are habitats for numerous creatures.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses more natural collocation.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedClimate change is another significant factor.
The revised sentence provides more context and is more informative.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor example, global warming is causing hundreds of wildfires and destroying wildlife populations.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and natural.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn addition to this, illegal poaching is also a significant factor in the decline of the number of animals and plants.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection to the previous point.
Lexical resource
RevisedThirdly, endangering nature should be strictly restricted through the imposition of heavier fines and punishments by government authorities.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses more precise language.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedConservation programs, constructing more green areas, global cooperation, and introducing strict laws to protect the natural habitat can be seen as potential solutions.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and natural.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis essay will discuss the reasons for the decline in the number of animals and plants, such as severe weather and deforestation, and suggest potential solutions.
The sentence is a bit confusing and could be more clear.
RevisedClimate change is another significant factor.
The revised sentence provides more context and is more informative.
RevisedIn addition to this, illegal poaching is also a significant factor in the decline of the number of animals and plants.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection to the previous point.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures, such as passive voice and conditional sentences, could help to more effectively convey the arguments and ideas.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAs people require more living spaces, they often start to clear green areas that are habitats for thousands of creatures.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and natural.
RevisedFor example, global warming is causing hundreds of wildfires and destroying wildlife populations.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and natural.
RevisedConservation programs, constructing more green areas, global cooperation, and introducing strict laws to protect the natural habitat can be seen as potential solutions.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and natural.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the environment and conservation. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more specific and varied language could help to more effectively convey the severity of the issue and the potential solutions.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne major cause of this environmental issue is the excessive desire to build luxurious apartments.
The revised sentence is more natural and concise.
RevisedAs the need for residential spaces increases, people often resort to cutting down green areas that are habitats for numerous creatures.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses more natural collocation.
RevisedThirdly, endangering nature should be strictly restricted through the imposition of heavier fines and punishments by government authorities.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses more precise language.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the decline in the number of animals and plants and suggesting potential solutions. The writer presents a clear explanation of the factors contributing to this issue, such as severe weather, deforestation, and illegal poaching, and proposes realistic solutions, such as constructing more national parks and introducing stricter laws. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places, and the essay would benefit from a more detailed exploration of the potential challenges and implications of implementing these solutions.
Suggestions
- Provide more detailed explanations and examples to fully develop the argument.
- Consider potential challenges and implications of implementing the proposed solutions.
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