Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #33, band 5.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
325 words. Marked by Axiom on 11 August 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2325 words
In many countries,the number of animals and plants is declining.Why do you think this is happening?How can this issue be solved?
, but they could be effectively addressed through measures such as implementing strict land use regulations and reducing greenhouse gas emissions.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe decreasing populations of various animal and plant species have become a critical concern that requires immediate attention.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the clarity of the message.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis problem is primarily due to habitat destruction, which is a result of urbanization and climate change induced by human activities.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear explanation of the factors contributing to the problem.
Governments could implement strict land-use regulations and designate more protected areas, such as national parks, to preserve the ecosystem, and provide safe habitats for wildlife. This would help animals and plants to survive
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne driving force behind the decreasing number of animals and plants is habitat destruction due to urbanisation.
The revised sentence is more coherent and logically sound.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs cities expand and forests are cleared for agriculture or infrastructure, animals lose their natural habitats, which in turn leads to the extinction of many species.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity of the message.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor example, the construction of skyscrapers in rare areas to attract tourists can lead to the destruction of green spaces, which is detrimental to wildlife.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and the word choice is more precise.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe most effective solution would be government intervention.
The revised sentence is more concise and direct, improving the overall cohesion of the essay.
For example, polar bears face shrinking sea ice due to global warming, which shortens their hunting season and makes it harder for them to find seals ,which is their main food source.Counttries should reduce greenhouse gas emissions by investing in renewable energy sources and encouraging sustainable practices like eco-friendly farming, which can help stabilise the ecosystem.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother significant cause of this issue is climate change, which is primarily caused by human activities.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct connection between climate change and human activities, improving the overall cohesion of the essay.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedRising temperatures, changing rainfall patterns, and extreme weather events disrupt migration, breeding, and food availability for many plants and animals.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity of the message.
Lexical resource
RevisedAnother effective solution could be the reduction of gas emissions.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and the word choice is more precise.
In conclusion, the decline in the populations of various animal and plant species is largely driven by habitat destruction and climate change caused by human activities. By enforcing strict land-use regulations to protect natural habitats and reducing greenhouse gas emissions through sustainable practices
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and solutions.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne driving force behind the decreasing number of animals and plants is habitat destruction due to urbanisation.
The revised sentence is more coherent and logically sound.
RevisedAnother significant cause of this issue is climate change, which is primarily caused by human activities.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct connection between climate change and human activities, improving the overall cohesion of the essay.
RevisedThe most effective solution would be government intervention.
The revised sentence is more concise and direct, improving the overall cohesion of the essay.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and sophisticated sentence structures could help to strengthen the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe decreasing populations of various animal and plant species have become a critical concern that requires immediate attention.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the clarity of the message.
RevisedAs cities expand and forests are cleared for agriculture or infrastructure, animals lose their natural habitats, which in turn leads to the extinction of many species.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity of the message.
RevisedRising temperatures, changing rainfall patterns, and extreme weather events disrupt migration, breeding, and food availability for many plants and animals.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity of the message.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and sophisticated language could help to strengthen the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis problem is primarily due to habitat destruction, which is a result of urbanization and climate change induced by human activities.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear explanation of the factors contributing to the problem.
RevisedFor example, the construction of skyscrapers in rare areas to attract tourists can lead to the destruction of green spaces, which is detrimental to wildlife.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and the word choice is more precise.
RevisedAnother effective solution could be the reduction of gas emissions.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and the word choice is more precise.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. However, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the proposed solutions. The essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a clear explanation of the reasons behind the decline in animal and plant populations and proposing practical solutions. The essay also provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively summarizing the main points and reiterating the proposed solutions. However, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the proposed solutions.
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