Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #14, band 5.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
315 words. Marked by Axiom on 11 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2315 words
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
In today's world, flora and fauna have experienced a noticeable decline in various species. This can be related to several grounds, including animal testing, poaching, and deforestation.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis problem, however, can be combated by restricting animal testing organizations and imposing strict legislation against illegal hunting and logging.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition between the two ideas.
They used to make advancement in medicine. For example, animals' genetics might be similar to humans. They are frequently used for examining different drugs' negative or positive consequences. Another critical factor is poaching, contributing to numerous extinctions. In rural areas and forests, people hunt animals illegally. They might sell the most expensive and endangered species for their livelihood. Moreover, deforestation is becoming prevalent. Companies are cutting trees, and they are used for agriculture. Habitats of flora and fauna are fired by slash-and-burn techniques and utilization for agricultural products. As a result, plants are disappearing, and animals will be moved, leading to loss of habitats. Furthermore, a significant number of trees are felled by logging companies so that making furniture and paper.
Lexical resource
RevisedNowadays, organizations have been a serious problem, leading to the loss of numerous animal habitats.
The revised sentence corrects the word choice error, replacing 'spacious' with 'habitats'.
Lexical resource
RevisedIt could certainly lead to increased rates of animal extinction.
The revised sentence corrects the word choice error, replacing 'disappearing rates of animals' with 'rates of animal extinction'.
For example, governments should punish people who illegal hunt animals. Therefore, limiting logging companies relying on strict legislation. As a result, species stay with their habitats.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAddressing this problem can be achieved by restricting laboratory practices of medicine.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct connection to the subsequent ideas.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedCompanies should use alternative methods with the help of technology, instead of using animals.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error, replacing 'other things by the help of technology' with 'alternative methods with the help of technology'.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn addition, enforcing strict laws can help preserve numerous species and combat poaching.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error, replacing 'enforcing strick laws can be solution for poaching' with 'enforcing strict laws can help preserve numerous species and combat poaching'.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAuthorities could punish them with penalties and even imprisonment.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error, replacing 'Authority would maybe punish them with penalty' with 'Authorities could punish them with penalties'.
However, this problem can be dealt with by imposing strict laws, eliminating logging companies, laboratories should use with technologies without hurting animals. It can lead to reduced animals' and plants' disappearing.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, animal testing, illegal poaching, and deforestation are primary reasons for species decline.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct connection to the subsequent ideas.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph to the main point of the paragraph.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis problem, however, can be combated by restricting animal testing organizations and imposing strict legislation against illegal hunting and logging.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition between the two ideas.
RevisedAddressing this problem can be achieved by restricting laboratory practices of medicine.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct connection to the subsequent ideas.
RevisedIn conclusion, animal testing, illegal poaching, and deforestation are primary reasons for species decline.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct connection to the subsequent ideas.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free of errors. However, there are a few instances of incorrect verb forms and sentence structures that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedCompanies should use alternative methods with the help of technology, instead of using animals.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error, replacing 'other things by the help of technology' with 'alternative methods with the help of technology'.
RevisedIn addition, enforcing strict laws can help preserve numerous species and combat poaching.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error, replacing 'enforcing strick laws can be solution for poaching' with 'enforcing strict laws can help preserve numerous species and combat poaching'.
RevisedAuthorities could punish them with penalties and even imprisonment.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error, replacing 'Authority would maybe punish them with penalty' with 'Authorities could punish them with penalties'.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the environment and conservation. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedNowadays, organizations have been a serious problem, leading to the loss of numerous animal habitats.
The revised sentence corrects the word choice error, replacing 'spacious' with 'habitats'.
RevisedThey are used to advance medicine.
The revised sentence corrects the word choice error, replacing 'make advancement' with 'advance'.
RevisedIt could certainly lead to increased rates of animal extinction.
The revised sentence corrects the word choice error, replacing 'disappearing rates of animals' with 'rates of animal extinction'.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. However, the essay could provide more specific examples to support the arguments. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the decline in the number of animals and plants in many countries and proposing solutions to this issue. However, the essay could provide more specific examples to support the arguments.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and is well-developed.
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