Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #15, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
338 words. Marked by Axiom on 11 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2338 words
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
In today's world, flora and fauna have experienced a noticeable decline in various species. This can be related to several grounds, including animal testing, poaching, and deforestation.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis problem can, however, be combated by restricting animal testing organizations and imposing strict legislation against illegal hunting and logging.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition between the introduction of the problem and the proposed solutions.
They are frequently used for examining different drugs' negative or positive consequences. Another critical factor is poaching, contributing to numerous extinctions. In rural areas and forests, people hunt animals illegally. They might sell the most expensive and endangered species for their livelihood. Moreover, deforestation is becoming prevalent. Companies are cutting trees, and they are used for agriculture. Habitats of flora and fauna are fired by slash-and-burn techniques and utilization for agricultural products. Furthermore, a significant number of trees are felled by logging companies so that they can make furniture and paper.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedNowadays, organizations are a serious problem that leads to the loss of numerous animal habitats.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and provides a more accurate expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
RevisedThey are used to make advancements in medicine.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate statement of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor example, animal genetics might be similar to humans'.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and provides a more accurate expression of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIt could definitely lead to increased rates of animal disappearance.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and provides a more accurate expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs a result, this will lead to the disappearance of plants and the displacement of animals, resulting in a loss of habitats.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct expression of the idea.
Companies should use other things with the help of technology instead of using animals. In addition, enforcing strict laws can be a solution for poaching, contributing to preserving numerous species. For example, governments should punish people who illegally hunt animals. Authority would maybe punish them with a penalty and even imprisonment. Therefore, limiting logging companies relying on strict legislation. Authority should discourage these organizations. Law is enforced against clearing lands from different species of plants and trees. As a result, species stay with their habitats.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedA pertinent solution to this problem could be restricting laboratory practices of medicine.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the proposed solution.
However, this problem can be dealt with by imposing strict laws, eliminating logging companies, and laboratories should use technologies without hurting animals. It can lead to reduced animals' and plants' disappearing
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, animal testing, illegal poaching, and deforestation are primary reasons for species loss.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct statement of the idea.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but the connection between some ideas and paragraphs could be enhanced. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the transition to the body paragraphs could be smoother. Using more varied transition words and phrases could help improve the flow of the essay. Additionally, linking the ideas more effectively between the paragraphs would help create a more cohesive argument.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your arguments flow logically from one to the next, with clear explanations and examples.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis problem can, however, be combated by restricting animal testing organizations and imposing strict legislation against illegal hunting and logging.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition between the introduction of the problem and the proposed solutions.
RevisedA pertinent solution to this problem could be restricting laboratory practices of medicine.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the proposed solution.
RevisedIn conclusion, animal testing, illegal poaching, and deforestation are primary reasons for species loss.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct statement of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few instances of incorrect or awkward sentence construction. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect the overall clarity and readability. For example, "companies should punish people who illegally hunt animals" could be rephrased as "authorities should punish people who illegally hunt animals," and "relying on strict legislation" could be rephrased as "relying on strict legislation." Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, would help improve the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedNowadays, organizations are a serious problem that leads to the loss of numerous animal habitats.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and provides a more accurate expression of the idea.
RevisedFor example, animal genetics might be similar to humans'.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and provides a more accurate expression of the idea.
RevisedIt could definitely lead to increased rates of animal disappearance.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and provides a more accurate expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, "animal spaces" could be replaced with "habitats," and "fired by slash-and-burn techniques" could be rephrased for clarity. Improving the precision and appropriateness of the vocabulary used would help enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThey are used to make advancements in medicine.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate statement of the idea.
RevisedThe habitats of flora and fauna are destroyed by slash-and-burn techniques and used for agricultural products.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
RevisedAs a result, this will lead to the disappearance of plants and the displacement of animals, resulting in a loss of habitats.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct expression of the idea.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the decline in the number of animals and plants in many countries and suggesting potential solutions. The writer presents a clear thesis statement and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the topic, including a more thorough discussion of the impact of these issues on the environment and on biodiversity. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and restating the position more clearly.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your arguments more fully, providing detailed explanations and specific examples.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay and restates your position.
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