Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #16, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
322 words. Marked by Axiom on 11 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2322 words
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
In recent years, there has been a significant decline in the number of flora and fauna. However, I maintain that enforcing ecological laws against illegal hunting and organizing nature reserves can mitigate the existing situation.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis is due to factors such as poaching and urbanization, which pose a threat to the environment.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the factors and the threat to the environment.
In other words, the demand for housing is increasing in cities as long as rural-to-urban migration has become common.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHabitat loss is a major driver of animal and plant extinction.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the main point.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis infrastructure often comes at the expense of farmlands and parks, which serve as habitats for numerous species.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate word choice, making the statement more clear and concise.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor example, many university and college campuses in the USA were built on former farmlands, putting the survival of endangered plants, as well as fox, deer, and bird populations, at risk.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and clarifies the point being made.
Furthermore, uncontrolled poaching is affecting animal numbers negatively. Many rare species are hunted during their breeding season, increasing the risk of extinction.
Lexical resource
RevisedA prime example is the endangered Amur leopard, which is often poached for its fur, typically during the mating and cub-reeding seasons.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear explanation, and corrects the grammatical errors in the original sentence.
Firstly, the government and conservation organizations should cooperate into creating wildlife sanctuaries in urban areas by allocating land and financial resources.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSeveral solutions can, however, mitigate this issue.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone, which is more suitable for an IELTS essay.
Lexical resource
RevisedIf there are sufficient living quarters, animals are likely to thrive in the coming decades.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear explanation, and uses more formal and academic language.
Apart from this, the root causes of the poaching should be eliminated. Although illegal hunters are fined by governing bodies, they persist in their actions. This is because there is a high demand for animals in the market, whatever for their meat, luxury fur or unique horns.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedTherefore, if the government implements stricter regulations targeting not only hunters but also customers, this illicit activity can be significantly reduced.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error in the original sentence, making the point more clear and concise.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn conclusion, the main reasons behind the loss of fauna and flora are infrastructure and illicit hunting. However, the situation can be improved by introducing harsh penalties for the exploitation of rare animal products and establishing wildlife reserves.
The revised sentence corrects the list format and word choice, making the point more clear and concise.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis is due to factors such as poaching and urbanization, which pose a threat to the environment.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the factors and the threat to the environment.
RevisedHabitat loss is a major driver of animal and plant extinction.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the main point.
RevisedSeveral solutions can, however, mitigate this issue.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone, which is more suitable for an IELTS essay.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. The majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are a few minor errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFor example, many university and college campuses in the USA were built on former farmlands, putting the survival of endangered plants, as well as fox, deer, and bird populations, at risk.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and clarifies the point being made.
RevisedTherefore, if the government implements stricter regulations targeting not only hunters but also customers, this illicit activity can be significantly reduced.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error in the original sentence, making the point more clear and concise.
RevisedIn conclusion, the main reasons behind the loss of fauna and flora are infrastructure and illicit hunting. However, the situation can be improved by introducing harsh penalties for the exploitation of rare animal products and establishing wildlife reserves.
The revised sentence corrects the list format and word choice, making the point more clear and concise.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis infrastructure often comes at the expense of farmlands and parks, which serve as habitats for numerous species.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate word choice, making the statement more clear and concise.
RevisedA prime example is the endangered Amur leopard, which is often poached for its fur, typically during the mating and cub-reeding seasons.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear explanation, and corrects the grammatical errors in the original sentence.
RevisedIf there are sufficient living quarters, animals are likely to thrive in the coming decades.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear explanation, and uses more formal and academic language.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments.
Suggestions
- Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your writing more persuasive and help you to achieve a higher score.
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