Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #17, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
341 words. Marked by Axiom on 16 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2341 words
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
In many parts of the world, the decline in animal and plant species has become a pressing global concern, posing a serious threat to global biodiversity.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedWhile habitat destruction and pollution are largely responsible for this decline, I believe that the key to addressing this issue lies in stricter enforcement of laws and a reduction in plastic use.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the formality of the language.
Secondly, the use of plastic has become ubiquitous, for instance, plenty of food and drink containers are made of plastic, which are dumped into rivers, seas and even oceans in significantly hazardous numbers.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFirstly, the primary reason for the decline in animal and plant species is the destruction of their natural habitats.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses a more appropriate preposition.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn other words, the rate of building construction has reached unprecedented levels, often involving tree removal and the conversion of plant-rich land into construction sites.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more appropriate vocabulary.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs a result, the habitats of animals and plants are completely lost.
The revised sentence uses a more appropriate verb in this context.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAdditionally, animals are often relocated or confined in zoos, while trees are felled and used for various purposes.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the formality of the language.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAs a result, a significant number of marine animals are being poisoned and killed as a result of consuming small plastic particles.
The revised sentence provides a clearer cause and effect relationship.
There are two efficient solutions to the problem of falling number of animals and plants. One way to handle this is to employ stricter laws that limit or reduces the number of building sites around wild environments. By doing this, it will help animals to live normal lives with no disturbance or captivity; also trees will keep producing more oxygen and provide nests for some birds. Another method of preventing animals from extinction is to encourage people not to use and produce plastic.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis solution could potentially prevent species extinction by reducing the amount of plastic in the oceans, thereby minimizing the damage to marine life.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more precise language.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, implementing restrictions on construction near natural habitats and reducing plastic usage are two effective ways to slow down the decline in animal and plant species.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear, and uses a more appropriate term for 'animals and species'.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that each discuss a single solution, and a concise conclusion. You use transition words effectively ("Firstly," "Additionally," "Secondly," "In conclusion"), which helps guide the reader through your argument. To improve cohesion, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that the ideas within paragraphs are logically ordered and connected.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your arguments are presented in a clear and logical order.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFirstly, the primary reason for the decline in animal and plant species is the destruction of their natural habitats.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses a more appropriate preposition.
RevisedAs a result, a significant number of marine animals are being poisoned and killed as a result of consuming small plastic particles.
The revised sentence provides a clearer cause and effect relationship.
RevisedIn conclusion, implementing restrictions on construction near natural habitats and reducing plastic usage are two effective ways to slow down the decline in animal and plant species.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear, and uses a more appropriate term for 'animals and species'.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are a few minor errors, but they do not impede communication. The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures and is generally free from grammatical errors, enhancing the clarity and professionalism of your writing. To further demonstrate grammatical accuracy, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, in the sentence "the main reason for the decreasing number of animals and plants is due to the destruction of their natural habitat," the use of "the main reason for the declining number of animals and plants" would be more grammatically accurate.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWhile habitat destruction and pollution are largely responsible for this decline, I believe that the key to addressing this issue lies in stricter enforcement of laws and a reduction in plastic use.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the formality of the language.
RevisedAdditionally, animals are often relocated or confined in zoos, while trees are felled and used for various purposes.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the formality of the language.
RevisedIn conclusion, imposing restrictions on building construction near natural habitats, along with a reduction in plastic use, could significantly help slow the decline in animal and plant species.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the formality of the language.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. You demonstrate a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "habitat destruction," "captivity," "plastic pollution," and "marine animals." To further improve, consider using more varied and precise language to describe the processes and impacts related to species decline and conservation. For example, instead of repeating "construction of buildings," you could use synonyms like "urban development" or "infrastructure project."
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn other words, the rate of building construction has reached unprecedented levels, often involving tree removal and the conversion of plant-rich land into construction sites.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more appropriate vocabulary.
RevisedAs a result, the habitats of animals and plants are completely lost.
The revised sentence uses a more appropriate verb in this context.
RevisedThis solution could potentially prevent species extinction by reducing the amount of plastic in the oceans, thereby minimizing the damage to marine life.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more precise language.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more comprehensive. You have clearly addressed the essay prompt by discussing the reasons for the decline in animal and plant species and proposing solutions to address this issue. Your position is well-supported with relevant explanations and examples. To enhance your response, consider providing more specific evidence or data to support your claims, such as statistics on the impact of habitat destruction and plastic pollution on biodiversity. This would strengthen your argument and provide a more compelling case for the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Consider summarizing your main points and restating your position more clearly in the conclusion.
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