Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #36, band 4.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
424 words. Marked by Axiom on 15 August 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2424 words
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?- cause & solution
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIt is true that the number of animal species and plants is reducing, which is a critical concern that requires immediate attention.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors, making the statement more clear and concise.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis problem is primarily caused by the greenhouse effect, which leads to extreme heat and the destruction of forests that are not only habitats for plants but also for animals.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of words, making the statement more clear and concise.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis problem could be addressed through measures such as preventing harmful gases from being released into the air, which over time can cause extreme heat, and preventing deforestation.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition between the two ideas and uses the appropriate cohesive device.
There could be a lot of reasons for why animals are going extinct. One major factor contributing to animal extinction can be greenhouse effect because of harmful gasses that are being exposed to the air. This can lead to holes in ozone layer. Therefor animals that lives in cool temperatures could not bear and going extinct. A perfect example for this can be, polar bears in Antarctica. As they live in freezing temperatures and rely on food supplies from frozen ocean. As a result of rise in heat levels ice is melting down creating difficulty for them to live off. To prevent they can reduce the number of factories that are the reason for harmful gas.
Lexical resource
RevisedMost importantly, this hole in the ozone layer can allow extreme ultraviolet radiation to enter the Earth, which can lead to the trapping of greenhouse gases.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the use of incorrect terms, making the statement more clear and concise.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedA potential solution for this could be reducing the exposure to harmful gases and breaking the chain that leads to animal extinction.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise expression of the idea.
Another significant cause of plants and animals being wiped out can be deforestation. People cut down trees to make way for new construction work without realizing that they are destroying many forests. Additionally, these trees are habitat for some animals too like squeals and birds. So, they have to take that into consideration because they are not only taking away greenery but also wiping out animals that can not live in any whether conditions other then forests the live in. Another effective solution for this can be putting an end for deforestation.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor instance, there used to be a certain type of tree in the forests, but now there is only one left of that type because it has become a victim of deforestation.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the use of incorrect terms, making the statement more clear and concise.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedUndoubtedly, this can save both the trees that provide oxygen and the animals that live in the forests.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea and corrects the subject-verb agreement.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedOne significant problem we are facing is the extinction of animals and plants, which is happening due to extreme heat and greenhouse gases, as well as deforestation.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and awkward constructions, making the statement more clear and concise.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedTo address this critical problem, it is necessary to reduce the exposure to harmful gases and put an end to deforestation.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and awkward constructions, making the statement more clear and concise.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 4.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the importance of the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis problem could be addressed through measures such as preventing harmful gases from being released into the air, which over time can cause extreme heat, and preventing deforestation.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition between the two ideas and uses the appropriate cohesive device.
RevisedA potential solution for this could be reducing the exposure to harmful gases and breaking the chain that leads to animal extinction.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise expression of the idea.
RevisedUndoubtedly, this can save both the trees that provide oxygen and the animals that live in the forests.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea and corrects the subject-verb agreement.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is a good range of structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, and the overall accuracy is quite good. However, there are a few minor errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied sentence structures could help to make the writing more engaging and dynamic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIt is true that the number of animal species and plants is reducing, which is a critical concern that requires immediate attention.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors, making the statement more clear and concise.
RevisedOne significant problem we are facing is the extinction of animals and plants, which is happening due to extreme heat and greenhouse gases, as well as deforestation.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and awkward constructions, making the statement more clear and concise.
RevisedTo address this critical problem, it is necessary to reduce the exposure to harmful gases and put an end to deforestation.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and awkward constructions, making the statement more clear and concise.
Lexical resource
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the environment and conservation. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument and make the writing more engaging.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis problem is primarily caused by the greenhouse effect, which leads to extreme heat and the destruction of forests that are not only habitats for plants but also for animals.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of words, making the statement more clear and concise.
RevisedMost importantly, this hole in the ozone layer can allow extreme ultraviolet radiation to enter the Earth, which can lead to the trapping of greenhouse gases.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the use of incorrect terms, making the statement more clear and concise.
RevisedFor instance, there used to be a certain type of tree in the forests, but now there is only one left of that type because it has become a victim of deforestation.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the use of incorrect terms, making the statement more clear and concise.
Task response
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the decline in animal and plant species and proposing solutions to address this issue. The writer presents a clear explanation of the factors contributing to animal and plant extinction, such as the greenhouse effect, extreme heat, and deforestation, and suggests practical solutions, such as reducing the exposure to harmful gases and ending deforestation. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments and by offering a more detailed exploration of the potential solutions.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and is well-developed with relevant examples and evidence.
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