Passenger travel by transport type: IELTS Task 1 answer #5, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
248 words. Marked by Axiom on 6 October 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 1990 | 2000 | |
|---|---|---|
| Bicycle | 3 | 1 |
| Motorbike | 4 | 2 |
| Air | 1 | 4 |
| Bus | 40 | 42 |
| Rail | 35 | 37 |
| Total | 100 | 110 |
Academic Task 1248 words
The chart shows the total distance traveled by passengers on five types of transport in the UK between 1990 and 2000
The bar chart illustrates overall distance covered by passengers using five different types of transport in the UK in the years 1990 and 2000.
Overall, while the total distance travelled by passengers saw significant rises on both bus and rail, as well as a very slight increase was observed in the distance travelled by airplanes howeve, the distance travelled by other transport modes –bicycles and motorbikes- have decreased.
The total distance traversed by all modes of transport stood at about 115 billion kilometers in teh initial year, by 2000, this figure reached approximately to 120 billion kilometers. In 1990, around 40 billon kilometers of this distance was accounted for by buses and this figure increased to roughly 45 billion kilometers.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedBoth buses and trains contributed significantly to this increase.
The plural forms 'buses' and 'trains' should be used to be consistent with the other plural forms in the essay.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe distance traveled by rail was approximately 5 billion kilometers less than the figure for buses in the first year. However, by 2000, the distance traveled by rails caught up with the figure for buses.
The two sentences were combined to improve the flow of information and the use of the cohesive device 'However' to show a contrast.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe distance traveled by airplane saw a minor increase, increasing from about 6 billion kilometers to around 10 billion kilometers in these two years.
The verb 'increasing' is more appropriate in this context to show a rise or growth.
There was almost no significant change in the bicycles and motorbikes travel distance. This figure was not reached to 10 billion kilometers for both of them in the 1990 year. The distance experienced a small decrease, dropping around 5 billion kilometers in the 2000.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe other types of transport – bicycles and motorbikes – witnessed a slight reduction over the same period.
The past tense 'witnessed' should be used instead of the present tense 'witnessed'.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the information. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe total distance traversed by all modes of transport stood at about 115 billion kilometers in the initial year; by 2000, this figure reached approximately 120 billion kilometers.
The use of a semicolon instead of a comma helps to improve the flow of information between the two clauses.
RevisedThe distance traveled by rail was approximately 5 billion kilometers less than the figure for buses in the first year. However, by 2000, the distance traveled by rails caught up with the figure for buses.
The two sentences were combined to improve the flow of information and the use of the cohesive device 'However' to show a contrast.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay makes use of a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are grammatically correct. However, there are some errors that affect the clarity of the writing.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedBoth buses and trains contributed significantly to this increase.
The plural forms 'buses' and 'trains' should be used to be consistent with the other plural forms in the essay.
RevisedThe other types of transport – bicycles and motorbikes – witnessed a slight reduction over the same period.
The past tense 'witnessed' should be used instead of the present tense 'witnessed'.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use less common and more complex language. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases that could be improved.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe total distance traversed by all modes of transport stood at about 115 billion kilometers in the initial year; by 2000, this figure reached approximately 120 billion kilometers.
The phrase 'reached approximately to' is incorrect. It should be 'reached approximately'.
RevisedThe distance traveled by airplane saw a minor increase, increasing from about 6 billion kilometers to around 10 billion kilometers in these two years.
The verb 'increasing' is more appropriate in this context to show a rise or growth.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay provides a clear overview of the information and makes some relevant comparisons. However, the task requires a more detailed analysis of the data and a more thorough explanation of the trends and changes.
Suggestions
- Include more specific details and data to support your analysis and explanation.
- Make more comprehensive comparisons and contrasts between the different types of transport.
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