Passenger travel by transport type: IELTS Task 1 answer #6, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
247 words. Marked by Axiom on 26 October 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The bar chart this answer describes
Show the data
| 1990 | 2000 | |
|---|---|---|
| Bicycle | 3 | 1 |
| Motorbike | 4 | 2 |
| Air | 1 | 4 |
| Bus | 40 | 42 |
| Rail | 35 | 37 |
| Total | 100 | 110 |
Academic Task 1247 words
The chart shows the total distance travelled by passengers on five types of transport in the UK between 1990 and 2000.
The bar chart compares five different modes of transport including bicycle, motorbike , air , bus and finally rail in terms of how many kilometers people commuted to reach their destinations by using them between 1990 and 2000.
Overall, it is clear that while there was a slight increase in people’s usage of air , bus and rail , , with bus and rail being the most popular choice in travelling among people. Furthermore, the overall growth of using any type of transport people used saw
Grammar & accuracy
Revised...the opposite was true for bicycles and motorbikes...
Corrected noun agreement.
Lexical resource
Revised...a slight increase from 1990 to 2000.
Used a more precise term to describe the change.
which then it decreased slightly to 9 billion in 2000, likewise However there was different pattern observed in other modes of transport usage: starting at approximately just 8 billion in 1990, the number of kilometers passengers travelled using airline rose to around 14 billion , almost doubled in 2000. When it comes to bus and rail , , with a slight variation. The former exhibited around 2 billion rise from 46 to 48 , and the latter showed 4 billion growth from 44 to 48 between 1990 and 2000.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn 1990, the distance covered by bicycles was around 5 billion kilometers...
Corrected figures to match the chart.
Grammar & accuracy
Revised...the figure for motorbikes dropped from 13 billion to about 12 billion.
Corrected noun agreement.
Grammar & accuracy
Revised...both of them underwent nearly the same growth pattern...
Corrected verb tense.
, experiencing a marked increase.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFinally, the total distance traveled increased from about 110 billion km to 115 billion km over the given years...
Corrected the unit error and improved clarity.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction and overview. However, some sentences lack clarity, and transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to connect ideas.
- Clarify the description of trends.
- Ensure figures match the chart data.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, while there was a slight increase in the usage of air, bus, and rail, the opposite was true for bicycles and motorbikes...
Improved sentence clarity by removing redundant phrases.
RevisedIn 1990, the distance covered by bicycles was around 5 billion kilometers...
Corrected figures to match the chart.
RevisedFinally, the total distance traveled increased from about 110 billion km to 115 billion km over the given years...
Corrected the unit error and improved clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are noticeable grammatical errors.
Sentence revisions 3
Revised...the figure for motorbikes dropped from 13 billion to about 12 billion.
Corrected noun agreement.
Revised...both of them underwent nearly the same growth pattern...
Corrected verb tense.
Revised...the opposite was true for bicycles and motorbikes...
Corrected noun agreement.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary accurately but lacks some variety. Repetition of certain terms could be reduced.
Sentence revisions 3
Revised...the distance traveled by bicycle was approximately...
Varied vocabulary by using synonyms.
Revised...the number for motorbike decreased...
Used a synonym to avoid repetition.
Revised...a slight increase from 1990 to 2000.
Used a more precise term to describe the change.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and includes relevant data. However, some inaccuracies in data representation need correction.
Suggestions
- Ensure all figures match the data in the chart.
- Provide a more detailed comparison of transport modes.
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