Overseas visitors to the UK: IELTS Task 1 answer #2, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
206 words. Marked by Axiom on 21 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| Holiday | Business | Visit to friends or relatives | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1989 | 6.5 | 5.5 | 3.5 |
| 1994 | 7.75 | 5 | 4.25 |
| 1999 | 9 | 7 | 5.75 |
| 2004 | 7.5 | 7 | 7 |
| 2009 | 9 | 6.5 | 6 |
Academic Task 1206 words
The line graph shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009.
The line graph illustrates information about how many tourists visited the United Kingdom for various purposes from 1989 to 2009.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, it is evident that the total number of visitors considerably increased over the period, with most of them coming to the UK for holidays.
Improved sentence flow and clarity.
Looking at the details, just over 6 million people visited the UK for holiday in 1989, and they grew steadily to around 7 million next following 5 years.
Lexical resource
RevisedDespite a significant rise, reaching a peak of just under 10 million visitors in 1999, the numbers decreased by 2 million until 2004.
Improved word choice and sentence structure.
Lexical resource
RevisedThen a moderate increase was observed, reaching nearly 9 million tourists in 2009.
Replaced 'lift' with 'increase' for better clarity.
While, the number of people who came to the UK for their friends or relatives experienced a steady increase to about 7 million by 2004, the number of tourists came for business saw a fluctuation but climbed to almost 7 million in 2004. Subsequently, both figures dropped to just over 6 million, however, those who visited the UK for business were 7 million between 2004 and 2009
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedRegarding the number of people who visited the UK for business and to see friends or relatives, these numbers started at just below 6 million and 4 million, respectively, in 1989.
Clarified the comparison and improved sentence structure.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is generally well-organized, but there are some issues with cohesion and clarity.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to enhance flow.
- Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea.
- Clarify comparisons and contrasts between data points.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, it is evident that the total number of visitors considerably increased over the period, with most of them coming to the UK for holidays.
Improved sentence flow and clarity.
RevisedRegarding the number of people who visited the UK for business and to see friends or relatives, these numbers started at just below 6 million and 4 million, respectively, in 1989.
Clarified the comparison and improved sentence structure.
RevisedWhile the number of people who came to the UK to visit friends or relatives experienced a steady increase to about 7 million by 2004, the number of tourists who came for business fluctuated but also climbed to almost 7 million by 2004.
Improved clarity and sentence structure.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures but contains some errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, it is evident that the total number of visitors considerably increased over the period, and most of them came to the UK for holidays.
Corrected capitalization and plural form.
RevisedWhile the number of people who came to the UK to visit friends or relatives experienced a steady increase to about 7 million by 2004, the number of tourists who came for business fluctuated but climbed to almost 7 million by 2004.
Improved grammatical structure and clarity.
RevisedSubsequently, both figures dropped to just over 6 million; however, those who visited the UK for business remained at 7 million between 2004 and 2009.
Corrected punctuation and clarity.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but some word choices could be improved.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe line graph illustrates the number of tourists who visited the United Kingdom for various purposes from 1989 to 2009.
Simplified wording for clarity.
RevisedThen a moderate increase was observed, reaching nearly 9 million tourists in 2009.
Replaced 'lift' with 'increase' for better clarity.
RevisedDespite a significant rise, reaching a peak of just under 10 million visitors in 1999, the numbers decreased by 2 million until 2004.
Improved word choice and sentence structure.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and provides an overview, but lacks some specific details.
Suggestions
- Include more specific data points for clarity.
- Ensure all trends are clearly described.
Check your own answer on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 1 checker works.
Check an essay free