Overseas visitors to the UK: IELTS Task 1 answer #24, band 6.0

The line graph illustrates the general quantity of people from overseas who visited to the UK for purposes like holiday, business, and meeting with relatives and friends from 1989 to 2009. Overall, it is clear that the number of all foreign visitors increased in various levels with some fluctuation over the period. It is also noticeable that the fugure for visitors who came for a holiday had been the largest, while those of visitors who visited to friends and relatives experieced the lowest numbers.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThe line graph illustrates the number of overseas visitors to the UK for various purposes, including holiday, business, and visiting relatives and friends, from 1989 to 2009.

   The revision provides a more concise and clear explanation of the information presented in the graph.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIt is also notable that the figure for visitors who came for a holiday was the largest, while the figure for visitors who visited friends and relatives was the lowest.

   The revision corrects the spelling errors and simplifies the sentence for better readability.

Looking more closely at the chart, over 6 million visitors came to UK for a holiday in 1989. Then, these numbers slightly increased to about 7 million before peaking at over 9 million in 1999. However, the figure showed a significant drop to well below 8 million until 2004, following with a recovery in the end.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedHowever, the figure showed a significant drop to well below 8 million until 2004, followed by a recovery in the later years.

   The revision provides a more natural and accurate way to express the idea.

In 1989, the number of tourist in the UK who came to meet with relatives and friends reported the lowest amount, approximately 3.3 million. This amount had been experiencing a moderate growth to over 7 million until it declined slightly to about 6 million between 2004 and 2009 (reaching that of ones who came business purposes in 1994 and 2004). Moving on guessts to the UK with business purposes, their figure experienced a sharp decrease in first 5 years from over 5 million to about 4 million, following with a moderate growth with some fluctuation until 2004 bofore a small decline to about 7 million in the end.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedIn 1989, the number of tourists who visited the UK to meet with relatives and friends was the lowest, at approximately 3.3 million.

   The revision provides a more accurate and clear explanation of the information presented in the graph.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIn contrast, the number of visitors to the UK for business purposes experienced a sharp decrease in the first 5 years from over 5 million to about 4 million, followed by a moderate growth with some fluctuation until 2004, before a small decline to about 4 million by the end.

   The revision provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.