Overseas visitors to the UK: IELTS Task 1 answer #5, band 6.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

241 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The line graph this answer describes

Values in millions of visitors. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.

Show the data

Overseas visitors to the UK (IELTS Task 1 line graph) (millions of visitors)
	Holiday	Business	Visit to friends or relatives
1989	6.5	5.5	3.5
1994	7.75	5	4.25
1999	9	7	5.75
2004	7.5	7	7
2009	9	6.5	6

Academic Task 1241 words

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009.

The line graph illustrates how many tourists visited the UK for three main purposes, including holiday, business, and visiting to friends or relatives from 1989 to 2009.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedThe line graph illustrates the number of tourists visiting the UK for three main purposes: holidays, business, and visiting friends or relatives from 1989 to 2009.
Improved precision and clarity.

Overall, these three figures saw an upward trend over the period, with the number of tourists came to celebrate holiday was the highest in the beginning of the period and kept its place until the end. Additionally, other 2 figures were quite fluctuated and rose significantly over 20-years period.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedOverall, these three figures saw an upward trend over the period, with the number of tourists coming to celebrate holidays being the highest at the beginning and maintaining this position until the end.
Improved sentence structure for clarity.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedAdditionally, the other two figures fluctuated but rose significantly over the 20-year period.
Corrected grammatical errors and improved clarity.

In 1989, the number of holiday visitors was slightly above 6 million people, then it started increasing and reached its highest point after ten years, which was nearly 10 million tourists visited the UK for the purpose of holiday. After such increase, it witnessed a decline from around 10 million to below 8 million people, however, it returned back to its peak point in 2009(below 10 million).

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedAfter this increase, it declined from around 10 million to below 8 million people, but returned to its peak in 2009, just below 10 million.
Improved lexical choice and sentence structure.

Next figures were for the purposes of business and visiting friends or relatives, followed a similar pattern with each other. In 1989, tourists came with the aim of business were approximately more than 5 million people, while the number for third line was below 4 million. The number of tourists visited their relatives was followed an upward trend over the period and it reached roughly 6 million tourists in 2009. Although the figure for business sector was quite erratic over 20-years period, it had reached its peak with 8 million before decreased to around 7 million in 2009.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedThe figures for business and visiting friends or relatives followed a similar pattern.
Simplified sentence for clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedIn 1989, tourists coming for business numbered slightly more than 5 million, while those visiting friends or relatives were below 4 million.
Corrected grammatical errors and improved clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedThe number of tourists visiting their relatives followed an upward trend over the period, reaching roughly 6 million in 2009.
Corrected verb tense and improved sentence structure.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedAlthough the figure for the business sector was erratic over the 20-year period, it peaked at 8 million before decreasing to around 7 million in 2009.
Enhanced lexical precision and grammatical accuracy.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay presents information in a logical order but lacks clear paragraphing and transitions.

Suggestions

Use clear paragraphing to separate different points.
Include linking words to enhance flow.
Summarize key points in a conclusion.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedOverall, these three figures saw an upward trend over the period, with the number of tourists coming to celebrate holidays being the highest at the beginning and maintaining this position until the end.
Improved sentence structure for clarity.
RevisedAdditionally, the other two figures fluctuated but rose significantly over the 20-year period.
Corrected grammatical errors and improved clarity.
RevisedThe figures for business and visiting friends or relatives followed a similar pattern.
Simplified sentence for clarity.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

Frequent grammatical errors affect clarity.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThe number of tourists visiting their relatives followed an upward trend over the period, reaching roughly 6 million in 2009.
Corrected verb tense and improved sentence structure.
RevisedIn 1989, tourists coming for business numbered slightly more than 5 million, while those visiting friends or relatives were below 4 million.
Corrected grammatical errors and improved clarity.
RevisedAfter this increase, it declined from around 10 million to below 8 million people, but returned to its peak in 2009, just below 10 million.
Corrected punctuation and improved sentence structure.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety and precision.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThe line graph illustrates the number of tourists visiting the UK for three main purposes: holidays, business, and visiting friends or relatives from 1989 to 2009.
Improved precision and clarity.
RevisedAfter this increase, it declined from around 10 million to below 8 million people, but returned to its peak in 2009, just below 10 million.
Improved lexical choice and sentence structure.
RevisedAlthough the figure for the business sector was erratic over the 20-year period, it peaked at 8 million before decreasing to around 7 million in 2009.
Enhanced lexical precision and grammatical accuracy.

Task achievement

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed analysis and some inaccuracies are present.

Suggestions

Provide more detailed analysis of trends.
Ensure accuracy in describing data.

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