Overseas visitors to the UK: IELTS Task 1 answer #6, band 5.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
182 words. Marked by Axiom on 18 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| Holiday | Business | Visit to friends or relatives | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1989 | 6.5 | 5.5 | 3.5 |
| 1994 | 7.75 | 5 | 4.25 |
| 1999 | 9 | 7 | 5.75 |
| 2004 | 7.5 | 7 | 7 |
| 2009 | 9 | 6.5 | 6 |
Academic Task 1182 words
The line graph shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009.
The line graph compares the number of foreign visitors did visit to the UK for an assortment of goals over the period of a twenty-year, from 1989 and 2009. Overall, all aims such as holiday, business, and visit to fellows or relatives showed significant increase at the span of years,although holiday visitors recorded the highest exceed, business and overseas visitors visiting their family and friends were as the exception, as it saw a decline.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedBoth the number of visitors who come to the UK to visit friends or relatives and the number of visitors coming for business purposes showed similar patterns of change.
The revised sentence is more coherent and uses the appropriate cohesive device to link the two ideas.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn the early years, there were fluctuations in the number of visitors coming for different purposes, however, in 1994, the number of tourists coming for the same purpose was more stable, and later years showed a dramatic increase.
The revised sentence is more coherent and provides a clearer explanation of the data.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe data for the end of the period did not match the expectations.
The revised sentence is more coherent and provides a clearer explanation of the data.
On the other hand, the number of holiday tourists were demonstrated nearly 7 millions visitors at the start of the year, reaching a peak in 1999. Yet still, this figure declined until 2004, after which a steady increase was exhibited by the end of the year.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the data. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedBoth the number of visitors who come to the UK to visit friends or relatives and the number of visitors coming for business purposes showed similar patterns of change.
The revised sentence is more coherent and uses the appropriate cohesive device to link the two ideas.
RevisedIn the early years, there were fluctuations in the number of visitors coming for different purposes, however, in 1994, the number of tourists coming for the same purpose was more stable, and later years showed a dramatic increase.
The revised sentence is more coherent and provides a clearer explanation of the data.
RevisedThe data for the end of the period did not match the expectations.
The revised sentence is more coherent and provides a clearer explanation of the data.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are grammatically correct. However, there are a few errors that affect the clarity of the writing.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedBoth the visitors who come to the UK to visit friends or relatives and those coming for business purposes showed similar patterns of change.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear explanation of the data.
RevisedAt the beginning of the period, there were fluctuations in the number of visitors coming for different purposes, however, in 1994, the number of tourists coming for the same purpose was more stable, and later years showed a dramatic increase.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear explanation of the data.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe line graph compares the number of foreign visitors who visited the UK
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. The revised sentence uses the correct form of the verb 'to visit'.
RevisedOverall, all purposes such as holiday, business, and visiting friends or relatives showed a significant increase over the years
The revised sentence uses more natural collocation and singular noun 'purpose' instead of 'aims'.
RevisedThe data for the end of the period did not match the expectations.
The revised sentence uses more natural collocation and provides a clearer explanation of the data.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay provides an overview of the data and makes some relevant comparisons. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis and by making more specific reference to the data.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the data and make more specific reference to the data.
- Consider using a wider range of structures to discuss the data.
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