Overseas visitors to the UK: IELTS Task 1 answer #4, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
195 words. Marked by Axiom on 3 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| Holiday | Business | Visit to friends or relatives | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1989 | 6.5 | 5.5 | 3.5 |
| 1994 | 7.75 | 5 | 4.25 |
| 1999 | 9 | 7 | 5.75 |
| 2004 | 7.5 | 7 | 7 |
| 2009 | 9 | 6.5 | 6 |
Academic Task 1195 words
The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009
The line graph compares the changes in the number of people who visited the UK for various reasons from 1989 to 2009.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIt is noticeable that all types of travelers to the UK experienced an upward trend in the given period.
The revised sentence is more direct and removes the awkward passive construction.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn 1989, over 6.5 million people visited the UK for holidays, which was 1 million more than the number of business travelers and friends/relatives’ visitors combined.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses the appropriate preposition for 'higher'.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedTen years later, in 1999, the number of UK visitors who came for a holiday peaked at more than 9 million.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct article before 'holiday'.
Lexical resource
RevisedWhile approximately 6 million people visited their friends or relatives in the UK in the same year, the figure was still lower than that of business travelers, by half a million.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct preposition after 'surpass'.
In contrast, the business was still the second most popular purpose of UK visitors with slighly less than 6.5 million trips, which was only 0.5 million more than the ones made for seeing friends or relatives.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn 2009, holidays remained the main reason for trips to the UK, accounting for exactly 9 million visitors.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct preposition after 'accounting'.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the data. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn 1989, over 6.5 million people visited the UK for holidays, which was 1 million more than the number of business travelers and friends/relatives’ visitors combined.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses the appropriate preposition for 'higher'.
RevisedTen years later, in 1999, the number of UK visitors who came for a holiday peaked at more than 9 million.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct article before 'holiday'.
RevisedIn 2009, holidays remained the main reason for trips to the UK, accounting for exactly 9 million visitors.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct preposition after 'accounting'.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is some evidence of complex grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect the clarity of the writing.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedIt is noticeable that all types of travelers to the UK experienced an upward trend in the given period.
The revised sentence is more direct and removes the awkward passive construction.
RevisedIn 2009, holidays remained the main reason for trips to the UK, accounting for exactly 9 million visitors.
The revised sentence is more direct and uses the correct form for 'accounting'.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedWhile approximately 6 million people visited their friends or relatives in the UK in the same year, the figure was still lower than that of business travelers, by half a million.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct preposition after 'surpass'.
RevisedIn contrast, business visits were still the second most popular purpose of UK visitors, with slightly less than 6.5 million trips.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses the correct form for 'slightly'.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay provides a clear overview of the data and makes appropriate comparisons. However, the task requires the essay to describe the data in more detail and to make more precise comparisons.
Suggestions
- Include more specific details and make more precise comparisons when describing the data.
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