Overseas visitors to the UK: IELTS Task 1 answer #1, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
189 words. Marked by Axiom on 29 May 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| Holiday | Business | Visit to friends or relatives | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1989 | 6.5 | 5.5 | 3.5 |
| 1994 | 7.75 | 5 | 4.25 |
| 1999 | 9 | 7 | 5.75 |
| 2004 | 7.5 | 7 | 7 |
| 2009 | 9 | 6.5 | 6 |
Academic Task 1189 words
The line graph shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009.
The graph compares the number of tourists visiting the UK with various intentions from 1989 and 2009. Overall, holiday travel comprised the largest share of the UK inbound tourism, professional (business) purposes and personal (visiting friends and relatives) purposes saw going up and down with the latter seeing a bigger change.
Grammar & accuracy
Revised...with the numbers fluctuating.
The use 'the numbers fluctuating' is more grammatically correct.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe numbers for visitors who came to the country for...
'For' is more suitable when talking about purposes.
, starting at 6.3 in 1989, the millions of those willing to take a trip for recreation (holiday) started to increase hitting a peak point in 1999 – 9.8 millions. before escalating to 9 millions in the end.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedExamining the category with the most fluctuation...
'Examining' is a clearer term than 'focusing on', enhancing coherence and cohesion.
Lexical resource
RevisedDespite this peak, the figure significantly dropped to 7.8...
The use of 'despite this peak' and 'significantly dropped' provides more clarity and precision.
with the purpose of business and seeing friends and extended family, in 1989, accounted for 5.8 and 3.8 respectively. After seeing a reduction to 4 millions, the number of people visiting with business objectives represented the same level of tourists coming to paying a visit to friends and relatives. 7 and 6 millions accordingly.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedWhen considering the proportion of tourists visiting the UK...
The revised sentence offers a sense of variety and smooth transition.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe numbers grew over the period, finally reaching...
'Over the years' could be mistaken for a general trend. Using 'over the period' makes it clear that it refers to the specific times in the graph.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay structure is logical, and it is easy to understand the progression of ideas. However, the transition phrases could be varied more to enhance the flow of the text.
Suggestions
- Try to incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to make your writing smoother.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedWhen considering the proportion of tourists visiting the UK...
The revised sentence offers a sense of variety and smooth transition.
RevisedExamining the category with the most fluctuation...
'Examining' is a clearer term than 'focusing on', enhancing coherence and cohesion.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The candidate demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures but with occasional errors.
Sentence revisions 3
Revised...with the numbers fluctuating.
The use 'the numbers fluctuating' is more grammatically correct.
RevisedThe figures for visitors who came to the country fluctuated...
The phrase 'saw going up and down' is not grammatically correct. 'Fluctuated' should be used instead.
RevisedThe numbers grew over the period, finally reaching...
'Over the years' could be mistaken for a general trend. Using 'over the period' makes it clear that it refers to the specific times in the graph.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The candidate demonstrates a good control of vocabulary with occasional inaccuracies.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe numbers for visitors who came to the country for...
'For' is more suitable when talking about purposes.
RevisedDespite this peak, the figure significantly dropped to 7.8...
The use of 'despite this peak' and 'significantly dropped' provides more clarity and precision.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The candidate addresses all parts of the task sufficiently, covering all the main trends shown.
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