Overseas visitors to the UK: IELTS Task 1 answer #9, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
188 words. Marked by Axiom on 8 April 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| Holiday | Business | Visit to friends or relatives | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1989 | 6.5 | 5.5 | 3.5 |
| 1994 | 7.75 | 5 | 4.25 |
| 1999 | 9 | 7 | 5.75 |
| 2004 | 7.5 | 7 | 7 |
| 2009 | 9 | 6.5 | 6 |
Academic Task 1188 words
The line graph shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe line graph illustrates the number of overseas visitors traveling to the UK for three distinct purposes—holiday, business, and visiting friends or relatives—from 1989 to 2009.
Using 'illustrates' and 'distinct purposes' adds variety and precision.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, holidays consistently attracted the most visitors, whereas travel to see friends and relatives, though less common, saw a sharp rise over the years.
The revision improves the flow by using 'whereas' to contrast the two ideas.
Lexical resource
RevisedNotably, the UK became an increasingly popular destination for international tourists.
Rephrasing avoids repetition and clarifies the subject.
Focusing on individuals who went to the UK for a holiday, the number began at about 6.2 million, which surged to nearly 9 million by 1999.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, the figure fluctuated at around 8 million by the end of the period.
Starting the sentence with 'However' makes the transition smoother.
Regarding business purposes, almost 5 million visitors went to the UK for business. Visitornumbersthen plummeted to 4 million until 1993, followed by substantial growth, reaching nearly 7 million. The figure continued growing, peaking at 8 million by 2006 before experiencing a steep fall in 2009.
In contrast, the volumeof travelers to the UK to see friends and relatives rose dramatically from about 3.5 million to roughly 7 million between 1989 and 2004.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedDespite this increase, there was a steady decrease in the number, dropping to almost 6 million in 2009.
Using 'Despite this increase' provides a clearer contrast with the previous sentence.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is generally well-organized with clear paragraphing and logical progression of ideas. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve the flow between sentences.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, holidays consistently attracted the most visitors, whereas travel to see friends and relatives, though less common, saw a sharp rise over the years.
The revision improves the flow by using 'whereas' to contrast the two ideas.
RevisedHowever, the figure fluctuated at around 8 million by the end of the period.
Starting the sentence with 'However' makes the transition smoother.
RevisedDespite this increase, there was a steady decrease in the number, dropping to almost 6 million in 2009.
Using 'Despite this increase' provides a clearer contrast with the previous sentence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of grammatical structures accurately. There are minor errors but they do not impede understanding.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedVisitor numbers then plummeted to 4 million by 1993.
Corrected spacing and preposition for clarity.
RevisedNevertheless, there was a steady decrease in numbers, dropping to almost 6 million in 2009.
Corrected the subject-verb agreement for grammatical accuracy.
RevisedHowever, the figure fluctuated around 8 million by the end of the period.
Removed unnecessary preposition for grammatical accuracy.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some precise word choices. However, there are occasional repetitions.
Sentence revisions 4
RevisedThe line graph illustrates the number of overseas visitors traveling to the UK for three distinct purposes—holiday, business, and visiting friends or relatives—from 1989 to 2009.
Using 'illustrates' and 'distinct purposes' adds variety and precision.
RevisedNotably, the UK became an increasingly popular destination for international tourists.
Rephrasing avoids repetition and clarifies the subject.
RevisedThe number of travelers visiting the UK to see friends and relatives increased significantly.
Using 'number' and 'increased significantly' provides variety and clarity.
RevisedVisitor numbers then dropped to 4 million by 1993.
Using 'dropped' instead of 'plummeted' is more appropriate for the context.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, summarizing key trends and making relevant comparisons. Some details could be more precise.
Suggestions
- Include more specific data points to support the trends described.
- Ensure all trends from the graph are covered.
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