Overseas visitors to the UK: IELTS Task 1 answer #8, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
271 words. Marked by Axiom on 16 March 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| Holiday | Business | Visit to friends or relatives | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1989 | 6.5 | 5.5 | 3.5 |
| 1994 | 7.75 | 5 | 4.25 |
| 1999 | 9 | 7 | 5.75 |
| 2004 | 7.5 | 7 | 7 |
| 2009 | 9 | 6.5 | 6 |
Academic Task 1271 words
The line graph shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009.
The line graph details information about three different purposes—holiday, business, and visiting friends or relatives—of visits to the UK by sea transport, within two decades starting from 1989, and all data are in millions.
Overall, all three given reasons for coming to the UK showed an upward trend. Holidaymakers remained in first position during the whole period, while choosing sea transport for meeting with friends or relatives was a less preferable option throughout the given time.
In 1989, the number of holiday visitors to the UK by sea held the leading position with almost
6.5 million users. After that, it started to dramatically increase until reaching just under 10 million visitors in
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn the next five years, it gradually decreased by several thousand passengers.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and fluent expression of the data point.
1999. However, the number of holiday passengers showed a sharp decline of around 2 million, but after five years of significant increase, it reached first place again, at 9 million.
Similarly, the number of business visitors experienced several fluctuations; it started the period with just over 5 million in second place. Nevertheless, following a noticeable drop to 4 million, it showed a consistently rising trend until 1999—7 million.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAfter five years of minor changes, it showed an upward trend again, reaching 8 million.
The revised sentence provides a clearer explanation of the data point.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedNonetheless, it ended the period in the same position, with a slight decrease—7 million.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and fluent expression of the data point.
When it comes to the lowest figure, namely visitors to close relatives, it initially held the lowest number—just under 4 million.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedDespite peaking at 7 million after 15 years of stable growth, it experienced a slight decrease and ended the period as the last category, at nearly 6 million.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and fluent description of the data point.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the data. The information is sequenced in a way that makes it easy to follow the trends for each category of visitors. However, there are a few instances where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Consider using more varied linking words to connect your ideas and sentences.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn 1989, holiday visitors to the UK by sea were in the lead with almost 6.5 million users.
The original sentence is a bit awkward and can be made more concise and natural.
RevisedAfter five years of minor changes, it showed an upward trend again, reaching 8 million.
The revised sentence provides a clearer explanation of the data point.
RevisedDespite peaking at 7 million after 15 years of stable growth, it experienced a slight decrease and ended the period as the last category, at nearly 6 million.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and fluent description of the data point.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of grammatical structures to describe the data and trends. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected for better accuracy.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedIn the next five years, it gradually decreased by several thousand passengers.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and fluent expression of the data point.
RevisedNonetheless, it ended the period in the same position, with a slight decrease—7 million.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and fluent expression of the data point.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary to describe the data and trends. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be improved.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedHolidaymakers held the first position throughout the period.
The revised sentence is more natural and fluent.
RevisedIt maintained the same position at the end of the period, with a slight decrease—7 million.
The revised sentence provides a clearer expression of the data point.
RevisedRegarding the lowest figure, which was the number of visitors coming to close relatives.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone, which is more suitable for an IELTS essay.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay provides a detailed and accurate description of the data, including all the key trends and significant features. The information is clearly and logically presented, with an overview that summarizes the main trends.
Suggestions
- Make sure to fully explain all the data and trends, and avoid making any unsupported statements.
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