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Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #5, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

166 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1166 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

The two maps illustrate the changes in town of Shakefield between 1995 and the present.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, the town has undergone significant development, with new facilities added and existing areas modernized.

    Improves sentence flow and clarity.

In 1995, the northern part of the town consisted as mainly farmland, and there was a park with many trees in the center. A fish market and coffee shop positioned in the southern part of the town and close to sea.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe housing area was located in the northwest, with the sports facility nearby.

    Improves word choice and grammatical accuracy.

  2. Lexical resource

    RevisedMorning fish boats were also visible in the sea.

    Corrects subject-verb agreement.

At the present, the farmland has replaced with a golf course and tennis court in the northeast. The housing area in the northwest has expanded, and restaurant has added nearby. The fish market has replaced with apartments, and a car park has developed next to the coffee shop. Additionally, yachts can be seen in the sea

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedThe public bar has been cleared, and holiday homes have been built in the center of the town.

    Ensures grammatical consistency and clarity.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay presents the information in a logical order, but the use of linking words and phrases could be improved for better flow.

Suggestions

  • Use more linking words to improve flow.
  • Ensure consistency in tense usage.
  • Avoid abrupt transitions between ideas.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, the town has undergone significant development, with new facilities added and existing areas modernized.

    Improves sentence flow and clarity.

  • RevisedThe public bar has been cleared, and holiday homes have been built in the center of the town.

    Ensures grammatical consistency and clarity.

  • RevisedAdditionally, yachts can now be seen in the sea, replacing the previous morning fish boats.

    Provides a clearer comparison between past and present.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with tense, agreement, and sentence structure.

Sentence revisions 2

  • RevisedThe housing area was located in the northwest, with the sports facility nearby.

    Corrects verb form and improves sentence structure.

  • RevisedThe public bar has been cleared, and holiday homes have been built in the center of the town.

    Ensures correct use of passive voice and subject-verb agreement.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety and precision. Some word choices are awkward or incorrect.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe farmland has been replaced with a golf course and tennis courts in the northeast.

    Corrects the passive voice and plural form.

  • RevisedMorning fish boats were also visible in the sea.

    Corrects subject-verb agreement.

  • RevisedThe housing area was located in the northwest, with the sports facility nearby.

    Improves word choice and grammatical accuracy.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task and describes the changes in the town, but it lacks detailed comparison and some inaccuracies are present.

Suggestions

  • Provide more detailed comparisons between the past and present.
  • Ensure all information is accurate according to the map.
  • Include more specific details about changes.

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