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Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #9, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

212 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1212 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

The maps show the town called Shakefield has developed from 1995 until now.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, it is evident that the town has gained more facilities and residential accommodations over the period.

    Clarified the sentence structure for better understanding.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedHowever, the original layout of the town has remained unchanged.

    Corrected verb tense for consistency.

In western part of the town, a block of houses was situated with sport clubs. There was sea with morning fish boat and a farm land at the top northeast

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedIn 1995, there was a large public garden with a hotel at the corner, located at the town center and surrounded by roads.

    Improved sentence structure and clarity.

  2. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe coffee shop was located below the hotels.

    Corrected word choice and preposition usage.

The hotel near to them are enlarged and a new car park has been added.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedAt present, a public park has been established and holiday homes have been added to this area.

    Corrected verb tense and word choice.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedA number of accommodations have been introduced on the left-hand side of the town, with new roads leading to the area.

    Simplified sentence structure and corrected verb tense.

  3. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedFurthermore, the sports clubs have been converted into a line of restaurants.

    Corrected verb tense and article usage.

In the past, there was a fish marked below the junction but now, it is altered new apartments, meanwhile, the coffee is kept untouched.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe farmland has been converted into a golf course.

    Corrected article usage and verb tense.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay presents information logically but lacks clear paragraphing and transitions between ideas.

Suggestions

  • Use clearer paragraphing to separate different ideas.
  • Include more linking words to improve flow.
  • Summarize key changes at the end.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, it is evident that the town has gained more facilities and residential accommodations over the period.

    Clarified the sentence structure for better understanding.

  • RevisedIn 1995, there was a large public garden with a hotel at the corner, located at the town center and surrounded by roads.

    Improved sentence structure and clarity.

  • RevisedFurthermore, the sports clubs have been converted into a line of restaurants.

    Corrected verb tense and article usage.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

There are frequent grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedA number of accommodations have been introduced on the left-hand side of the town, with new roads leading to the area.

    Simplified sentence structure and corrected verb tense.

  • RevisedAt present, a public park has been established and holiday homes have been added to this area.

    Corrected verb tense and word choice.

  • RevisedHowever, the original layout of the town has remained unchanged.

    Corrected verb tense for consistency.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary with some errors in word choice and collocations.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe coffee shop was located below the hotels.

    Corrected word choice and preposition usage.

  • RevisedIt has been replaced by new apartments, while the coffee shop remains unchanged.

    Improved word choice and conjunction usage.

  • RevisedThe farmland has been converted into a golf course.

    Corrected article usage and verb tense.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks detail in descriptions and comparisons.

Suggestions

  • Add more specific details about changes.
  • Include more comparisons between 1995 and the present.
  • Ensure all main features are covered.

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