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Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #8, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

163 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1163 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

The maps illustrate some main changes to the town known as Shakefield between 1995 and present.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedThe town has undergone significant changes, including the addition of more residential buildings and entertainment facilities.

    Clarifies the sentence and improves cohesion.

It can be seen that in 1995 there used to be a few houses and three sport centers, while now there have been as twice as more houses, and three restaurants as well.

If we look at the fish market in the south end of the road it was converted into apartments, while coffee house not only was kept unchanged but a new road has been led to this place.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedThe pier was removed, and now there are only yachts for entertainment purposes.

    Improves grammatical accuracy and clarity.

The north east side served as a farmland, as a .

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedFinally, the central area, once a public park surrounded by trees, has been transformed into holiday homes.

    Enhances clarity and coherence.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    Revisedwhereas golf and tennis courses have been built

    Corrects spelling errors.

  3. Lexical resource

    Revisedsports facilities

    Uses more appropriate terminology.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay presents information in a logical order, but some parts lack clarity and cohesion.

Suggestions

  • Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
  • Ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
  • Avoid redundant phrases.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe town has undergone significant changes, including the addition of more residential buildings and entertainment facilities.

    Clarifies the sentence and improves cohesion.

  • RevisedThe fish market at the south end of the road was converted into apartments, while the coffee house remained unchanged, with a new road leading to it.

    Improves clarity and sentence structure.

  • RevisedFinally, the central area, once a public park surrounded by trees, has been transformed into holiday homes.

    Enhances clarity and coherence.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay contains several grammatical errors and lacks complex structures.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe town has changed significantly

    Corrects subject-verb agreement.

  • Revisedwhereas golf and tennis courses have been built

    Corrects spelling errors.

  • RevisedThe pier was removed, and now there are only yachts for entertainment purposes.

    Improves grammatical accuracy and clarity.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and repetitions.

Sentence revisions 3

  • Revisedresidential development

    Uses more precise vocabulary.

  • Revisedthere are now twice as many houses

    Corrects the expression for accuracy.

  • Revisedsports facilities

    Uses more appropriate terminology.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed comparisons and some inaccuracies are present.

Suggestions

  • Include more specific details from the diagrams.
  • Ensure all changes are accurately described.
  • Use comparative language effectively.

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