axiom

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #11, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

177 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1177 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe plans illustrate how the town of Shakfield has changed from 1995 to the present day.

    Corrected spelling and improved lexical precision.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, it is clear that the town has undergone a significant transformation, becoming less green and more developed due to the introduction of new amenities.

    Corrected subject-verb agreement for cohesion.

At present, a golf course and a tennis course at the top right hand of the town have been built in place of a farm land.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedIn 1995, a large park in the center was removed to make room for holiday homes and a car park near the road leading to the east side of the town.

    Improved word choice and clarity.

  2. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedFurthermore, the houses with a small pathway and sports buildings have been replaced with restaurants.

    Improved transition and sentence structure.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedThe sea area has also changed with the introduction of several yachts and the removal of morning fish boats in the southwest corner.

    Rephrased for clarity and coherence.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe buildings that remain unchanged include an enlarged hotel in the center and a coffee shop by the sea.

    Enhanced lexical resource and clarity.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay has a logical structure but lacks clear linking phrases and smooth transitions between ideas.

Suggestions

  • Use linking words to connect ideas more clearly.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic.
  • Avoid abrupt transitions between sentences.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, it is clear that the town has undergone a significant transformation, becoming less green and more developed due to the introduction of new amenities.

    Corrected subject-verb agreement for cohesion.

  • RevisedFurthermore, the houses with a small pathway and sports buildings have been replaced with restaurants.

    Improved transition and sentence structure.

  • RevisedThe sea area has also changed with the introduction of several yachts and the removal of morning fish boats in the southwest corner.

    Rephrased for clarity and coherence.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay contains several grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence structure.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe plans illustrate how the town of Shakfield has changed from 1995 to the present.

    Corrected subject-verb agreement.

  • RevisedOverall, it is clear that the town has witnessed a drastic transformation, becoming less green and more built-up due to the introduction of new amenities.

    Corrected subject-verb agreement.

  • RevisedThe buildings that have remained untouched are an enlarged hotel in the middle and a coffee shop by the sea.

    Corrected verb form and sentence structure.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety and precision in some areas.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe plans illustrate how the town of Shakfield has changed from 1995 to the present day.

    Corrected spelling and improved lexical precision.

  • RevisedIn 1995, a large park in the center was removed to make room for holiday homes and a car park near the road leading to the east side of the town.

    Improved word choice and clarity.

  • RevisedThe buildings that remain unchanged include an enlarged hotel in the center and a coffee shop by the sea.

    Enhanced lexical resource and clarity.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed comparison and analysis of the changes.

Suggestions

  • Provide more detailed comparisons between the past and present.
  • Include specific details to highlight significant changes.
  • Ensure all relevant features are covered.

Check your own answer on this question

Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 1 checker works.

Check an essay free