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Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #25, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

168 words. Marked by Axiom on 19 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1168 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakefield from 1995 until now.

The two maps illustrate how the town called Shakefield has changed from 1995 until now.

Also, the sea is alerted by introducing a yacht.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, the town has undergone significant changes, especially with the addition of entertainment facilities and apartments.

    Improves the introductory sentence by using 'Overall' to summarize the main idea.

A large public park in the middle of the town has been demolished in order to make way for holiday homes and a new car park.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedIn 1995, farmland was located at the top right-hand side, which has now been replaced by new golf and tennis courses.

    Clarifies the sequence of events and improves sentence structure.

  2. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe housing area has expanded with an increased number of houses.

    Provides a clearer description of the housing changes.

  3. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedSports facilities were removed and replaced with a row of restaurants along the short road on the western side.

    Corrects verb tense and sentence structure.

While the hotel has been enlarged significantly, the coffee shop has stayed unchanged over the year. Finally, the yacht has been introduced with several ships but the morning fish boat has been removed.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedCurrently, several accommodation blocks have been constructed where the fish market once stood.

    Clarifies the time frame and improves sentence clarity.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay presents information in a logical order, but lacks clear paragraphing and transitions between ideas.

Suggestions

  • Use linking words to improve flow.
  • Organize the essay into clear paragraphs.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, the town has undergone significant changes, especially with the addition of entertainment facilities and apartments.

    Improves the introductory sentence by using 'Overall' to summarize the main idea.

  • RevisedIn 1995, farmland was located at the top right-hand side, which has now been replaced by new golf and tennis courses.

    Clarifies the sequence of events and improves sentence structure.

  • RevisedCurrently, several accommodation blocks have been constructed where the fish market once stood.

    Clarifies the time frame and improves sentence clarity.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedIn 1995, there was farmland at the top right-hand side, which has been replaced by new golf and tennis courses.

    Corrects capitalization and improves sentence structure.

  • RevisedSports facilities were removed and replaced with a row of restaurants along the short road on the western side.

    Corrects verb tense and sentence structure.

  • RevisedWhile the hotel has been significantly enlarged, the coffee shop has remained unchanged over the years.

    Improves grammatical accuracy and clarity.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but some words and phrases are repetitive or imprecise.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe two maps depict the transformation of Shakefield from 1995 to the present day.

    Uses more precise vocabulary to describe the maps.

  • RevisedA yacht has been introduced to the sea area.

    Corrects the use of 'alerted' to a more appropriate term.

  • RevisedThe housing area has expanded with an increased number of houses.

    Provides a clearer description of the housing changes.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task, but some details are missing or unclear.

Suggestions

  • Include more specific details from the maps.
  • Ensure all major changes are covered.
  • Clarify any vague statements.

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