Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #26, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
252 words. Marked by Axiom on 6 January 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The map this answer describes
1995
- The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
- The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
- The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.
Present
- The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
- The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
- The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
- The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
- The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
- New by Present
- Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
- Gone by Present
- Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land
Academic Task 1252 words
The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakefield from 1995 until now
The maps illustrate how the layout of the town named Shakefield changed from 1995 to now. Overall, the town has undergone significant enhancements to create a more welcoming atmosphere for its residents. Notable changes include the introduction of holiday homes, a car park and the addition of several sport zones.
In 1995, the town offered limited amenities for the residents. Right after they took the turn to the right, however, they could see housing buildings, followed by a sport and hotel opposite it. After, they faced divided road again, which could lead to a fish market and coffee. At the bottom of the town, morning fish boat and sea were located, providing people to swim via these boats.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedVisitors could enter from the northwest side via a road that forked in two directions.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and provides a more accurate description of the town's layout.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIf people turned left, they would find themselves on the farmland, with a public park featuring many trees located at the end of the road.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and provides a more accurate description of the town's layout.
Farm land at the right corner made the way to golf course and tennis course.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFollowing the reconstructions, the town’s layout underwent significant changes.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition and more precise language.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAdditionally, the area where the public park was located has now been transformed into a zone for holiday homes, with a car park added as well. To the southwest of this area, a larger hotel has been established.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more coherent explanation of the changes that have occurred.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs for the western side of the map, the number of housing buildings has increased, while the sports facilities have been replaced by restaurants.
The revised sentence corrects the use of 'sport buildings' and provides a more accurate description of the changes that have occurred.
Lexical resource
RevisedAdditionally, six apartment buildings now occupy the spot where the fish market used to be, and formerly, a yacht and the sea were located below.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and provides a more accurate description of the changes that have occurred.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and there is a clear progression of ideas. However, the use of some cohesive devices is somewhat awkward, and the overall cohesion of the essay could be improved. The use of referencing and substitution is also somewhat inconsistent.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedFollowing the reconstructions, the town’s layout underwent significant changes.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition and more precise language.
RevisedAdditionally, the area where the public park was located has now been transformed into a zone for holiday homes, with a car park added as well. To the southwest of this area, a larger hotel has been established.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more coherent explanation of the changes that have occurred.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage, as well as in verb tense consistency, that could be addressed. There are several grammatical issues in your essay that need to be addressed to ensure proper sentence structure and clarity. Here are some suggested revisions: "In 1995, the town offered limited amenities for the residents." Revision: "In 1995, the town offered limited amenities to its residents." "Right after they took the turn to the right, however, they could see housing buildings, followed by a sport and hotel opposite it." Revision: "Immediately after turning right, they would encounter housing buildings, followed by a sports facility and a hotel." "At the bottom of the town, morning fish boat and sea were located, providing people to swim via these boats." Revision: "At the southern end of the town, fishing boats and the sea were located, allowing people to swim via the boats."
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedVisitors could enter from the northwest side via a road that forked in two directions.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and provides a more accurate description of the town's layout.
RevisedIf people turned left, they would find themselves on the farmland, with a public park featuring many trees located at the end of the road.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and provides a more accurate description of the town's layout.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation that could be improved. Your vocabulary is generally suitable for describing changes in a town; however, there are some awkward phrasings and possible misunderstandings in your word choices. To enhance the clarity and precision of your description, consider the following revisions: "Farm land at the right corner made the way to golf course and tennis course." Revision: "The farmland in the right corner was transformed into a golf course and tennis court." "public park was destroyed, giving a zone for holiday homes." Revision: "The area that was once a public park was repurposed into a zone for holiday homes." These changes clarify the intended meanings and improve the overall readability of your essay.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedAs for the western side of the map, the number of housing buildings has increased, while the sports facilities have been replaced by restaurants.
The revised sentence corrects the use of 'sport buildings' and provides a more accurate description of the changes that have occurred.
RevisedAdditionally, six apartment buildings now occupy the spot where the fish market used to be, and formerly, a yacht and the sea were located below.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and provides a more accurate description of the changes that have occurred.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and provides a well-developed response with relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the essay could provide a more detailed comparison of the changes that have occurred, as well as their impact on the town and its residents. You have provided a detailed description of the changes in the town of Shakefield over time, which effectively addresses the task. However, to improve your essay, consider providing a more explicit comparison of the changes that have occurred, including their impact on the town and its residents. This could involve discussing not only the physical changes but also the social and economic implications of these transformations. Additionally, try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and enhance the flow of your writing.
Suggestions
- Consider providing a more detailed comparison of the changes that have occurred, including their impact on the town and its residents.
- Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and enhance the flow of your writing.
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