Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #28, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
228 words. Marked by Axiom on 11 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The map this answer describes
1995
- The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
- The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
- The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.
Present
- The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
- The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
- The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
- The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
- The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
- New by Present
- Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
- Gone by Present
- Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land
Academic Task 1228 words
The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakefield from 1995 until now.
The two maps provide information about between 1995 and the present day.
Lexical resource
Revisedchanges that occurred in Shakefield town
'Changes' is a more precise term than 'alternations'.
Overall, although the road system almost remained the same, the town has become more residential and recreational with the addition of new housing and sport facilities.
A fish market, opposing to coffee, situated near the beach. Public park located in the middle of the town which had a farm land in the corner.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn 1995, the town featured a sea at the bottom with a morning fish boat nearby.
Revised for clarity and coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAdditionally, there was a sports area with the hotel on the right-hand side and housing in front of it.
Added a comma and corrected noun form.
For example, and some holiday homes were built which resulted in the disappearance of the greenery.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedToday, the town has seen the addition of several new structures.
Simplified for better coherence.
Lexical resource
Revisedthe farmland was replaced with golf and tennis courses
More precise and natural phrasing.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedMeanwhile, the hotel opposite the new restaurant, which replaced the sports area, has been modernized, and housing has expanded.
Improved sentence structure for clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFurthermore, some transformations have been completed near the sea, including replacing the fish market with new apartments and constructing a new road to improve access to the coffee shop.
Improved sentence structure and clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe morning fish boat was removed and replaced with new yachts.
Improved lexical choice and clarity.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay generally follows a logical structure but lacks clear paragraphing and transitions between ideas.
Suggestions
- Use clear paragraphing to separate different points.
- Improve transitions between sentences and ideas.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn 1995, the town featured a sea at the bottom with a morning fish boat nearby.
Revised for clarity and coherence.
RevisedToday, the town has seen the addition of several new structures.
Simplified for better coherence.
RevisedMeanwhile, the hotel opposite the new restaurant, which replaced the sports area, has been modernized, and housing has expanded.
Improved sentence structure for clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentences but contains grammatical errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFocusing on the 1995 plan first, there was a sea at the bottom near which was a morning fish boat.
Corrected article usage and verb tense.
RevisedAdditionally, there was a sports area with the hotel on the right-hand side and housing in front of it.
Added a comma and corrected noun form.
RevisedFurthermore, some transformations have been completed near the sea, including replacing the fish market with new apartments and constructing a new road to improve access to the coffee shop.
Improved sentence structure and clarity.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The vocabulary is appropriate but lacks variety and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
Revisedchanges that occurred in Shakefield town
'Changes' is a more precise term than 'alternations'.
Revisedthe farmland was replaced with golf and tennis courses
More precise and natural phrasing.
RevisedThe morning fish boat was removed and replaced with new yachts.
Improved lexical choice and clarity.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and describes the main changes, but lacks some detail and clarity.
Suggestions
- Include more specific details from the diagram.
- Ensure all major changes are clearly described.
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