Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #12, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
212 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The map this answer describes
1995
- The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
- The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
- The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.
Present
- The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
- The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
- The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
- The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
- The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
- New by Present
- Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
- Gone by Present
- Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land
Academic Task 1212 words
The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.
The maps illustrate the changes made to a particular town, called “Shakefield”, between 1995 and the present day.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, it is clear that the city has been modernized with the addition of new amenities.
The sentence structure can be improved for clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedFurthermore, the housing capacity has increased significantly, whereas some facilities have been removed over this period.
Improved word choice for clarity and precision.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn the northern part of the city, the farmland in the top-left corner has been transformed into a golf course and a tennis court.
Corrected verb tense and improved sentence clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedAdditionally, both the residential area and the hotel have been expanded.
Used more specific terms to enhance clarity.
The housing where located in the northwest have been made bigger in size.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother significant change is the removal of the public garden, which has been replaced by holiday homes, providing convenience for visitors.
Improved sentence structure and clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn 1995, there were sports facilities that have since been converted into restaurants.
Corrected verb tense and structure.
By now, both the fish market and its provider have been demolished.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn the southern part of the town, the fish market and its morning fish boat, which existed in 1995, have been replaced by yachts.
Simplified and clarified the sentence.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAfter the morning fish boat was removed, the sea area has been populated with yachts.
Corrected verb tense and improved clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe coffee shop is the only building that remained in its original location.
Corrected awkward phrasing.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay presents information in a logical order, but some transitions between ideas are abrupt. There is a general overview, but more specific comparisons and details could improve clarity.
Suggestions
- Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph.
- Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs.
- Include more specific comparisons between the past and present.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, it is clear that the city has been modernized with the addition of new amenities.
The sentence structure can be improved for clarity.
RevisedAnother significant change is the removal of the public garden, which has been replaced by holiday homes, providing convenience for visitors.
Improved sentence structure and clarity.
RevisedIn the southern part of the town, the fish market and its morning fish boat, which existed in 1995, have been replaced by yachts.
Simplified and clarified the sentence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures, but there are errors in sentence structure and verb tense.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn the northern part of the city, the farmland in the top-left corner has been transformed into a golf course and a tennis court.
Corrected verb tense and improved sentence clarity.
RevisedIn 1995, there were sports facilities that have since been converted into restaurants.
Corrected verb tense and structure.
RevisedAfter the morning fish boat was removed, the sea area has been populated with yachts.
Corrected verb tense and improved clarity.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The vocabulary used is adequate but lacks variety and precision. Some word choices are awkward or imprecise.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFurthermore, the housing capacity has increased significantly, whereas some facilities have been removed over this period.
Improved word choice for clarity and precision.
RevisedAdditionally, both the residential area and the hotel have been expanded.
Used more specific terms to enhance clarity.
RevisedThe coffee shop is the only building that remained in its original location.
Corrected awkward phrasing.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task by describing changes in the town, but lacks specific details and comparisons that would fully achieve the task.
Suggestions
- Include more specific details about changes.
- Make clearer comparisons between the two time periods.
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