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Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #13, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

168 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1168 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe two maps illustrate how Shakfield town transformed from 1995 to the present.

    Correct spelling error and improve expression.

Overall,it is clear that the area has modernized by reforming hotels, housind areas and establishing new buildings.

In 1995,the central part of the town mainly consisted of public park with full of trees and a hotel.The north-east edge of the area was occupied as a farming land.

Housing units were placed on the west side of the town alongside with fish market.The south side was sea with a several morning fish boats.

Spesifically three big holiday homes has been constructed in the place which was previously a public park.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedCurrently, the town has improved significantly, especially in terms of housing.

    Improved transition and clarity.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedHotels have been redeveloped and have added more facilities.

    Correct verb tense and improve clarity.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedAnother significant development is the construction of a golf and tennis course that replaced the farmland.

    Improve word choice and clarity.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedA car park has been newly added to the right side of the area.

    Simplify and correct sentence structure.

Also restaurant replaced the area for the sports.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedAdditionally, the fish market has been removed to make way for an apartment building.

    Corrected grammar and improved clarity.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay presents information in a clear sequence but lacks some cohesive devices and clarity in transitions.

Suggestions

  • Use more cohesive devices like 'however', 'in addition', and 'furthermore'.
  • Ensure logical flow between paragraphs.
  • Clarify comparisons between past and present.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, it is clear that the area has modernized significantly, with changes in hotels, housing areas, and the establishment of new buildings.

    Improved clarity and flow.

  • RevisedCurrently, the town has improved significantly, especially in terms of housing.

    Improved transition and clarity.

  • RevisedAdditionally, the fish market has been removed to make way for an apartment building.

    Corrected grammar and improved clarity.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

Frequent grammatical errors and incorrect sentence structures affect comprehension.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedIn 1995, the central part of the town mainly consisted of a public park full of trees and a hotel.

    Correct article usage and improve sentence structure.

  • RevisedA car park has been newly added to the right side of the area.

    Simplify and correct sentence structure.

  • RevisedHotels have been redeveloped and have added more facilities.

    Correct verb tense and improve clarity.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are some errors and repetitions.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe two maps illustrate how Shakfield town transformed from 1995 to the present.

    Correct spelling error and improve expression.

  • RevisedSpecifically, three large holiday homes have been constructed.

    Correct spelling and improve word choice.

  • RevisedAnother significant development is the construction of a golf and tennis course that replaced the farmland.

    Improve word choice and clarity.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks some detailed comparisons and clarity.

Suggestions

  • Include more specific comparisons between past and present.
  • Ensure all key features are described clearly.

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