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Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #7, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

169 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1169 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

The maps illustrate the main changes which have taken place in Shakefield between 1995 and its current layout.

It is clear that the residential area has expanded.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedOverall, Shakefield appears to have become a more modernized town with entertainment facilities.

    Corrected verb tense and subject-verb agreement.

Furthermore, the hotel changed into a modern and multi-storey one and car park has been constructed the opposite of the hotel. Holiday homes that were used for public park with trees, are situated in the north-east of the town.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedLooking at the maps, the housing area in the northwest of the town has expanded with the addition of new houses.

    Improved sentence flow and clarity.

  2. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe fish market was demolished to make way for new apartments.

    Varied vocabulary and improved sentence flow.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedThe morning fish boats located in the south of the town have been converted into yachts.

    Streamlined sentence for better coherence.

  2. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedThe farmland above the public park has been transformed into a sports area featuring a golf course and a tennis court.

    Clarified sentence structure and improved coherence.

  3. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedThe restaurant, which was previously a sports building, is situated on the west side of the town.

    Corrected article usage and sentence structure.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay generally follows a logical structure, but some transitions between ideas are abrupt.

Suggestions

  • Use linking words to connect ideas more smoothly.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
  • Improve the flow between sentences.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedLooking at the maps, the housing area in the northwest of the town has expanded with the addition of new houses.

    Improved sentence flow and clarity.

  • RevisedThe morning fish boats located in the south of the town have been converted into yachts.

    Streamlined sentence for better coherence.

  • RevisedThe farmland above the public park has been transformed into a sports area featuring a golf course and a tennis court.

    Clarified sentence structure and improved coherence.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

There are noticeable grammatical errors, particularly with verb tense and agreement.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, Shakefield appears to have become a more modernized town with entertainment facilities.

    Corrected verb tense and subject-verb agreement.

  • RevisedLooking at the maps, we can see that the housing area in the northwest of the town has expanded with the addition of new houses.

    Corrected subject-verb agreement and improved sentence structure.

  • RevisedThe restaurant, which was previously a sports building, is situated on the west side of the town.

    Corrected article usage and sentence structure.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety. Some word choices are repetitive.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedShakefield appears to have become a more modern town with various entertainment facilities.

    Improved word choice and sentence clarity.

  • RevisedAdditionally, the hotel has been upgraded to a modern, multi-storey building.

    Enhanced vocabulary and sentence structure.

  • RevisedThe fish market was demolished to make way for new apartments.

    Varied vocabulary and improved sentence flow.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed comparisons and specific details.

Suggestions

  • Include more specific comparisons between the two maps.
  • Provide additional details about the changes.
  • Ensure all main features are covered.

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