Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #6, band 5.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
152 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The map this answer describes
1995
- The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
- The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
- The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.
Present
- The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
- The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
- The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
- The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
- The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
- New by Present
- Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
- Gone by Present
- Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land
Academic Task 1152 words
The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe two maps illustrate the changes in the town of Shakefield from 1995 to the present.
Improves precision and reduces repetition.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, the town has undergone significant changes, particularly with the introduction of entertainment facilities and apartments.
The sentence structure is improved for clarity and flow.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAdditionally, the sea area has been modified with the introduction of a yacht dock.
This revision clarifies the changes made and improves coherence.
A large public park in the middle of the town has been demolished and erected holiday homes and new car park. The two line housing area is also changed with increased numbers of houses.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn 1995, there was farmland in the top right-hand corner, which has now been replaced by new golf and tennis courses.
Corrects capitalization and improves sentence structure.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe sports facilities have been removed, and a row of restaurants has been constructed along the short road on the western side.
Improves grammatical accuracy and word choice.
Nowadays there is a number of accommodation blocks which has constructed at the place of fish market. Morning fish boat has been removed and coffee shop is stayed unchanged over the year.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay presents information in a logical sequence but lacks clear paragraphing and linking words.
Suggestions
- Use clear paragraphing to separate different ideas.
- Include linking words to improve flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the town has undergone significant changes, particularly with the introduction of entertainment facilities and apartments.
The sentence structure is improved for clarity and flow.
RevisedAdditionally, the sea area has been modified with the introduction of a yacht dock.
This revision clarifies the changes made and improves coherence.
RevisedCurrently, several accommodation blocks have been constructed on the site of the former fish market.
Improves clarity and grammatical accuracy.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn 1995, there was farmland in the top right-hand corner, which has now been replaced by new golf and tennis courses.
Corrects capitalization and improves sentence structure.
RevisedThe sports facilities were removed, and a row of restaurants was built along the short road on the western side.
Corrects verb tense and improves clarity.
RevisedThe coffee shop has remained unchanged over the years.
Corrects verb tense and improves grammatical accuracy.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary with some repetition and minor errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe two maps illustrate the changes in the town of Shakefield from 1995 to the present.
Improves precision and reduces repetition.
RevisedA large public park in the center of the town has been demolished to make way for holiday homes and a new car park.
Clarifies meaning and improves word choice.
RevisedThe sports facilities have been removed, and a row of restaurants has been constructed along the short road on the western side.
Improves grammatical accuracy and word choice.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task but lacks some details and clarity in the description of changes.
Suggestions
- Include more specific details about changes.
- Ensure all key features are described clearly.
- Avoid vague language and provide precise descriptions.
Check your own answer on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 1 checker works.
Check an essay free