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Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #23, band 6.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

190 words. Marked by Axiom on 18 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1190 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

The 2 maps show the main changes which have taken place in the town of Shakefield from 1995 until now.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, it appears that Shakefield has become a more modernized town with the introduction of a car park and recreational facilities.

    Corrected spelling errors and added an article for clarity.

For instance,there was a public park surrounded by trees and the town's housing area was relatively small.Sport facilities were located on the west of the town. Hotel and coffee shop were situated near the town centre ,while morning fish boats were located along the coast.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedIn 1995, Shakefield was a relatively small town with limited facilities.

    Rephrased for clarity and conciseness.

At present,farmland has been replaced by golf course and tennis course ,and public park has been converted into holiday homes.The housing area which was located on the west side of the map and hotel which was located in the centre of the town have expanded significantly.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedThe sports facilities have been removed, and instead, a restaurant has been added.

    Improved sentence structure for clarity.

New car park has been located on the east of the town.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedNew apartments have been constructed adjacent to the coffee shop.

    Used a synonym to avoid repetition.

  2. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedThe fish market and morning fish boats have been removed, but now yachts have been introduced near the sea.

    Corrected spacing issues for better readability.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay presents information in a logical order, but there are some issues with paragraphing and transitions.

Suggestions

  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different ideas.
  • Add more linking words to improve flow.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, it appears that Shakefield has become a more modernized town with the introduction of a car park and recreational facilities.

    Corrected spelling errors and added an article for clarity.

  • RevisedAt present, the farmland has been replaced by a golf course and a tennis course, and the public park has been converted into holiday homes.

    Added articles to improve sentence structure.

  • RevisedThe fish market and morning fish boats have been removed, but now yachts have been introduced near the sea.

    Corrected spacing issues for better readability.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay shows a range of grammatical structures, but there are errors in punctuation and sentence structure.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedIn 1995, Shakefield was a fairly small town with a few facilities available.

    Simplified sentence structure for clarity.

  • RevisedThe hotel and coffee shop were situated near the town center, while the morning fish boats were located along the coast.

    Added articles and corrected punctuation errors.

  • RevisedThe sports facilities have been removed, and instead, a restaurant has been added.

    Improved sentence structure for clarity.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are some word choice errors and repetition.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOverall, it seems that Shakefield has developed into a more modern town with the addition of parking and recreational facilities.

    Improved word choice and corrected spelling errors.

  • RevisedIn 1995, Shakefield was a relatively small town with limited facilities.

    Rephrased for clarity and conciseness.

  • RevisedNew apartments have been constructed adjacent to the coffee shop.

    Used a synonym to avoid repetition.

Task achievement

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks detail in some areas and contains some inaccuracies.

Suggestions

  • Provide more detailed comparisons between the two time periods.
  • Ensure accuracy in describing the changes.
  • Include more specific details about the developments.

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