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Shakefield town, 1995 and now: IELTS Task 1 answer #22, band 7.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

152 words. Marked by Axiom on 18 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The map this answer describes

Shakefield town, 1995 and now: what the maps show

1995

  • The central area above the main road is dominated by a Public park and a small Hotel.
  • The right-hand area above the road has Farm land in the top-right corner.
  • The coastal/marine area at the bottom left features a Fish market and Morning fish boat.

Present

  • The Public park was replaced by Holiday homes and a Car park.
  • The Farm land in the top right was replaced by a Golf Course and a Tennis Course.
  • The fishing facilities (Fish market and Morning fish boat) were replaced by Apartments and leisure Yachts in the sea.
  • The Sport area was replaced by a Restaurant, while Housing expanded.
  • The Hotel expanded in size, and the Coffee shop remained unchanged.
New by Present
Restaurant, Apartment, Holiday homes, Car park, Golf Course, Tennis Course, Yacht
Gone by Present
Sport, Fish market, Morning fish boat, Public park, Farm land

Academic Task 1152 words

The diagram below shows the changes of the town named Shakfield from 1995 until now.

The diagram illustrates the development of the town named Shakefield from 1995 to the present.

In 1995, Shakefield featured a number of key structures, including a hotel, a coffee shop, and a park, all located towards the central area. Additionally, housing and sport facilities were positioned nearby, while farmland occupied the northern area.

In the present day, Shakefield has undergone significant changes. The farmland has been replaced by a fish boat area and a yacht zone, indicating a shift towards a more recreational and residential focus.

  1. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedThe coffee shop has been replaced by a larger hotel, with a new restaurant added adjacent to it.

    Using 'with' provides a more complex sentence structure.

  2. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedThe park remains in the central area, but now includes a car park to its east.

    Adding location details improves clarity.

  3. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedThe sport facility, previously located in the southwest, now includes a tennis court and a golf course in the northeast.

    Specifying locations enhances understanding of changes.

  4. Lexical resource

    RevisedResidential zones have broadened, incorporating holiday homes and apartments.

    Using synonyms for 'expanded' increases lexical diversity.

  5. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedOverall, Shakefield has been transformed into a more modern and diverse town.

    Using passive voice adds variety to grammatical structures.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and effectively uses cohesive devices to link ideas.

Suggestions

  • Improve clarity by specifying locations more precisely.
  • Ensure all changes are clearly compared between 1995 and the present.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe park remains in the central area, but now includes a car park to its east.

    Adding location details improves clarity.

  • RevisedThe sport facility, previously located in the southwest, now includes a tennis court and a golf course in the northeast.

    Specifying locations enhances understanding of changes.

  • RevisedThe northern farmland has been replaced by a fish boat area and a yacht zone to the south.

    Clarifying directions helps in visualizing the transformation.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 8.0/ 9

Demonstrates a good range of complex structures with high grammatical accuracy.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedIn 1995, Shakefield featured several key structures, such as a hotel, a coffee shop, and a park.

    Using 'such as' instead of 'including' provides variety in sentence structure.

  • RevisedThe coffee shop has been replaced by a larger hotel, with a new restaurant added adjacent to it.

    Using 'with' provides a more complex sentence structure.

  • RevisedOverall, Shakefield has been transformed into a more modern and diverse town.

    Using passive voice adds variety to grammatical structures.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

Uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey information clearly, with some variety.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedShakefield has evolved into a more contemporary and multifunctional town.

    Using synonyms adds variety to the vocabulary.

  • RevisedThe former coffee shop has been substituted with an expanded hotel.

    Using different expressions for 'replaced' enhances lexical resource.

  • RevisedResidential zones have broadened, incorporating holiday homes and apartments.

    Using synonyms for 'expanded' increases lexical diversity.

Task achievement

Band 8.0/ 9

Effectively addresses the task by summarizing and comparing the main features of the diagram.

Suggestions

  • Include more specific comparisons to highlight changes.
  • Ensure all significant developments are mentioned.

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